Allow me to digress..

and to procrastinate (I have a 40-page report due tomorrow at 1pm and I haven't done heck).

I found this while I was digging through the mounds of notes my 7months in INTAN has allowed me to accumulate ( I was supposed to be looking for my Research Methodology notes. I get distracted very easily, as you can very well see). It was the sketches of an article draft I was supposed to do for our magazine editorial. We just won the debate competition (more on this later, maybe) and Mr. Editor who was also on the debate team asked me to pen something about it. This was what I wrote:

The day we won the debate competition was indeed a day full of surprises. For one, the very fact that we even won it was an unsuspected ____ (encountered a writer's block despite the brilliant start. Asked the rest of the team to help out but they were rubbish so I restarted.)

We had one motto going into the competition, with due respect to the opponents, we held fast to our totem; "it's okay to lose as long as you do it with style". The win was an unexpected. Heck, even the preliminary win was a huge surprise. We were so unready for the finals that until we sat down on (sic) our seats on the stage (for the finals), only then that Un and I realized we had the motion wrong. But true to the spirit of the Sidang (which was strong within us) we decided to do what we have been doing the whole time; we decided to wing it. I doubt Shemi even realized anything was amiss, as usual he was too caught up with himself. What I remembered most from the competition was how vastly entertaining the audience was. One time, I only had just finished the salutations but the applause was befitting me curing cancer. I love the actions that was going on in the seats. I was sure I could see the VIPs themselves suppressing a smile or two as well. Even the hecklers was lovable. This whole essay as you can tell is about me, me, me, me, me, me and me!

I lost interest at this point and reevaluated sending any article at all for the Editorial. But 5 minutes later I got bored with whatever lecture that was going on in class and decided to give it another go.

Facts about the Debate Competition ppl don't know.

1. Shemi has photographic memory so in essence we cheated. Cause we brought wiki.
2. 2 out of every 5 facts we presented were totally fabricated.
3. It was the battle of the giants (school-wise) MCKK in one corner, SAS in the other. STF backing Koleq just for fun.
4. It was colder on the stage than anyone could every imagine.
5. Everytime we raised our hands for POI, we had only 50% of an idea of what to say. We lie best under pressure.
6. It has been collectively 25 years since any of us last debated.
7. We felt the topic was grossly unfair to us. But since we won anyway, it just shows that we're that good.
8. We overestimated our opponents. We thought they'd be much better. Apparently, they suck.

As you can tell, I wasn't being serious. Can you tell? Well, I wasn't serious. I was joking. My ego is not that huge. Am not that obnoxious. But I gave Un/Mr. Editor the draft anyway for a look-see and he made some notations:

Un's 2cents: no. 2 - don't mention, tukar lain

no. 8 - play nice dude, tone down

add-ons:

-Un had difficulties to listen to any of the POI from fellow oppenents because Neila and Shemi can't stop talking from both sides of his ears.

-at the back of the hall, we sang Mariah Carey's I can make it through the rain (while we were waiting for the VIPs to arrive).

Good times.

Oh Lord. I miss my friends at the DPA like you can't imagine. Choi. Back to work now. Sigh.

Off a Matchbox

In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on: this person must be fired.

Halp!: I'm currently in the middle of a 17days workday stretch and I get to spend very single one of those with The Schizo Midget Bitch. Ain't life grand?

Like You Need a Lobotomy

Imagine this.

Did you ever joined a club when you were in school? Remember that. Imagine that now. A club of something. A club for, say, engineering. An engineering club.
So, you're in this club, right? So, the president of your engineering club wants to do something and he/she wants you and everyone to help. She/He wants to build something you think is stupid, like, a helicopter that goes underwater. He/She thinks this invention would help save the world, cure cancer and eliminate global starvation. You know she/he only wants it built so that he/she could take joyrides in it and use it for her/his own personal shopping trips crossing the Selat Melaka, to Bandung.
You thinks building a helicopter that goes underground is stupid but being a member of this club, you have no choice but to help her/him build this thing.
Then you found out that the school is funding this stupid project. The stupid project you're helping her/him do.
Then you found out that besides the underwater helicopter, he/she is also planning to build other stupid, useless things, things like a diskette holder for fish and a biscuit coaster for biscuits and computer mouse made of jelly.
All to be paid by the school. And it's costing the school something like RM800,000 for these projects your idiotic engineering club president are doing.
Which you're helping him/her with.
It doesn't matter you're probably only helping to do 2% of the overall work because essentially it still means you're involve in this wonderful exercise of taking the school's money and churning crap out of it.
How can you not be pissed? How can you not be totally incensed when you know he/she is charging RM500 for a piece of wall brace? RM5000 for laundry? RM17,000 daily rental for a crane? Why would you want a crane?
And who the hell wants a jelly mouse?
But you still have to do it. However stupid, inane, crappy, shit-for-brains, effed up you think this whole shebang is, you still have to do your job.
Which is super for your stress levels. Do the job you hate, for the person you despise and at something you disapproved. Why the hell not, right?
Then you found out that the school is charging everyone extra RM50 fee to make up for the huge expense the engineering club is tallying up.
Hoo-farking-ray.

I am not making this up. You know what I mean, right?
Tell me you do. Please. Tell me you got what I really meant. Oh Lord, what if you don't? What if you think we all need biscuit coasters? Because we don't right? Do we?
*hyperventilate*

The World is Just..Awesome

I love the whole world
It's such a brilliant place
Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da

Song lyrics : Discovery Channel; I love the world
Picture : Own, driving back from hell work

Work has been just brutal. Needed a heads up to remind me that life is worth living and why I should suppress that suicidal and/or homicidal feelings I have. I love that Discovery Channel song. I listen to it and feel my aneurysms fade away. My left temple would stop ticking. I love rainbows too. I could look at rainbows all day.

Unfortunately, all the soothing in the world can not help me from getting massive cluster headaches when looking up at the towering heights of paperwork I need to do trembling gently in the breeze. Add a psychopath midget yelling maniacally next to that, and I tell you, I could be swimming in a sea of lithium, soaked in rainbows, listening to serene murmurs of the cloistered peace monks of Nepal and cradled naked in the comforting bosom of mother earth herself and I would still have an anxiety attack every time I wake up and realized I have to go to work..

Lord, I'm too young to lose my mind.

Off with the Old

Said a few "hullo"s and a few more "guidbye"s this coupla weeks.

My bestest office buddy got transferred to Seremban. Office would be unbearable now. Oh waily, waily, waily.

That's her in green next to me. We're drinking to her escape from Hell. The unsuspecting Debbie (in purple on the other side of me), is her replacement, newly arrived from the warehouse and has no flaming idea what kind of twisted, horror movie she's now the lead cast in.

Welcomed a new supervisor (the old one voided her warranty and therefore had to be replaced). Am very content with my fresh from the box supervisor. It seems because of her many and somewhat dubious connections (not explaining), the Midget Schizo Witch a.k.a the big boss is a little erm, cautious in dealing out her normal shit to new supervisor. Yay.

Farewell to a friend who's off to have a blast on a three (THREE!) weeks vacation in Spain. Green. Jealous. Only I'm not really happy that he got to go and I'm stuck here so this farewell is like a fraction of a full farewell. Cheap imitation of what a real farewell will be like. Go play in traffic la, Ed. But don't forget my matador lithograph, ok.

Said hello to a new member of the extended A.O Bintang family. Cousin Deedy got married last month. Welcome Reena, we really hope you don't find out the truth about the circus you got yourself married into.
You can't really see the pengantin because that green blob brother of mine is blocking the bride. But you can see Deedy in his purple suit. Try living that down, cousin. Hahaha.

However, we are also saying Auf wiedersehen (we don't really say that. I had to google to find out how that's spelt) because soon both newlyweds are moving to San Jose.

Bought a new watch. It was on 20% discount. Sweet.

Dad replaced the cassette player in my car with a CD player. Way to catch up with technology, huh? It got embarrassing when the younger nieces and nephews genuinely didn't know what a cassette was. When I told them it's a box of string decoration for Christmas trees they took it literally. Only it wasn't a Christmas tree, it was the pokok bunga kertas depan rumah. Ah youth.

Afzan had a baby boy. I'm delirious for her.
Haven't seen nor touch the youngling yet.

Dad also got a brand new JVC HDD video camera for the house. Who cares it's probably 27 years and 100 family trips too late?

Lastly, not leastly, I'm saying "ta" to the last 25 years of my glorious life.

And saying "harlo harlo" to indeterminate more awesome years ahead! Wha hae!
Crivens. Quarter of a century old, I am.

Hell in a Handbasket

Read this. Malay version here.

Take the time to savor the utter hilarity of Part IV; Clause 13(7) and Part VI Clause 24 of the Act. (Page 18 and 24).

Tell me how this is not a fuckfest of the highest order. Go ahead. Just try.

Which kindergarten retard drafted this bill? Did he write in red crayon or blue? I bet he can't even pronounce DEOXYRIBONUCLEIC ACID without a visual aid and nap time.

And it's your problem too.
For your information, this Bill of Act is on the super fast track. The August Hall of Malaysian Parliament has already denied the request for the Bill to be studied further by a Special Committee (where after sometime a flawed Bill will be put to right/rest) and has announced the Second Reading to be had soon.
Soon (before you even know it) this will be a f.u.b.a.r worthy of it's own feature movie, a limited edition duvet set and an island named after it. Whatever island we have left not lost to Singapore, that is.

Fucking A.

Put my head down and cry

It's Monday and I came in work 20 minutes late.
I haven't had time to make my coffee.
I already have the meetings minutes that I've had to redo 6 times ready because I was supposed to send them to the boss's office last week, my supervisor just dropped a 330 (three hundred and thirty) pages UNESCO Budget report on my desk asking me to an executive summary by Friday, and about 6 other various letters for me to attend to; on top of the menstrual cramps.
It was father's day yesterday and it didn't go well.
Because (and only because) my browser's start-up page is the Postsecret Blog, I went for quick read through before starting on work.
I (almost) cried when I read this postcard.

Happy Belated Father's Day, Abah.
I'm sorry and I love you.

Let's get me some coffee now, shall we?
Blubbering, hormonal, emo mess is not a good look on me.

Caffeine Zombie

Waking up for work everyday at the ungodly hours of 6.15 am, I find myself unbearably grouchy and unsuited in a civilized capacity when I'm at the office until about noon. Also, I would be sleepy despite the mountainous amount of work to be done. After a week being a walking, half awake, time bomb, I resorted to drinking a cup of coffee in the morning. It helped. Of course it would. I was afraid of exactly that, actually.

My long history with coffee started in 2000, about the time I started working for Starbucks (big surprise huh?). I became a semi-junkie then but it wasn't really bad. I needed coffee but was still considerably functional without. I had to stop the habit when I started Matrix in 2001, mainly because my supply of free coffee ended but also because the story of another barista at Starbucks getting a severe stomach ulcer due to his heavy coffee drinking (2 carafes every morning, noon, evening and night) scared the beans out of me. Quitting coffee wasn't easy, nor was it especially hard. I just switched to Coca Cola instead. Har har. Same shit, different day. What was weird was my caffeine addiction got increasingly bad when I was hooked on Coke as opposed to when I was drinking it in latte form. At my worst, I would drink two 1.5 liters bottles in one night (I was cramming for a final).

This went on until I was in Uni. Off coffee completely, but Coke junkie, big time. It got so bad that I began slicing myself, spending all my money on it and doing everything just to get my next fix. Before I knew it I was living in a cardboard box in the streets, begging for drug money from people, not knowing where or what day it was. My ruin, was complete... KIDDING.

But it got bad enough that my mom had to conspire behind me with my roommates to make sure I wasn't drinking too much if it. I guess it got bad enough that the addiction had to be managed. It worked. Slowly, I weaned off that stuff. Still dabbled with it some time but not as bad. Yay me. Hello healthy kidneys.

So back to my current working conditions. Coffee every morning now. I was worried that I could be falling off the wagon so yesterday (after 1 solid month of drinking coffee every morning, 5 days a week) I put myself to the test, and I jumped off the deep end too. The most extreme condition imaginable; Monday morning, first day back after a long school holiday, I refused myself coffee. The verdict? Bloody hell. Tie me up, drench me in glue and roll me in hay; I am officially off the wagon!

Had withdrawal, bad. I was so sleepy and useless, I managed to finish one fifth of what was on my to do list, and there were only three things to do. You do the math. Also, I could barely contained myself from snapping everyone's heads off for no apparent reason other than their mistake to assume I'm a fully developed humanoid capable of taking control of my homicidal tendencies. And me minus coffee on a rampage would not discriminate (read: includes bosses and superiors). Not a very smart career move. Suicidal, even, yes? So today I'm back to ingesting my usual dosage of stomach lining drano. The only bright side to all this mess is that the Aik Cheong coffee in a bag I'm taking probably only contains 2% coffee. Yeah, I take what I can.

Lord. I'm so weak. So so weak. *curls up into a ball and cries next to the hot water dispenser*

Catching up on life

My first real job (Starbucks barista doesn't count), I basically did nothing for 2 whole years. They hired me, gave me a laptop, a cubicle and a fancy title. I was the Business Development Executive. I had nothing to do. No sales target, no portfolios, no performance report. Nada. But they paid my salary, gave me a brand new laptop when the old one went bust, gave me the usual bonuses, the works. Except they didn't. They forgot to give me something to do. And I was happy, as you can rightly imagine. I did some typing and research work for my boss, threw in some opinions and lame ideas for the business expansion plan, that was about it. Sometime I helped some other colleagues with their work. Mostly my time there was filled with downloading numerous movies and t.v shows, net browsing, reading thousands upon thousands eBooks (downloaded illegally) and quietly not being too obvious that I'm doing nothing.
But even from the start I know I had to get out of that place. As ideal as the situation seemed, I realized I was wasting the peak years of my work career doing nothing. I realized I wasn't growing, in fact I was veloping myself (the opposite of developing). I whined about it all the time. Really, I did. Go ahead. Ask anyone. And I also knew that the sweet deal (get paid doing nothing) can't possibly last. One day the management might wise up and I prefer to be long gone before that. It might not be anytime soon, but you never know.
So I left that job for this one. And oh boy, when it rains, it pours. Work. Is. Crazy. To top it all off, the heavens was kind enough to bestow upon me the gift of a hobbit Nazi boss with a Napoleon complex. Oh joy. And so the whining continues. Go ahead. Ask anyone. Hoho.
But as one friend candidly (with zero trace of sarcasm) stated when I was in the midst of my work lament, "So, you're having fun la eh? I can tell you're having fun,"; and I guess I am having a tiny, weeny, itsy, bitty, puny, tad, wee, bit of fun juggling the work load meant for 4 pack mules. No, seriously. Because, and I mean this, it's good to feel needed, to be necessary. And because it's nice to know you're earning your pay. It's fun to feel the rush chasing that impossible deadline. It's great to make calls for other reason than to tell mom I'm having dinner out. It's awesome to sign on that dotted line in some important letter my staff made (which I had them redo 3 times, I was being nice, ok?). It's wonderful to speak up in a meeting about something. It's down right near orgasmic running the last spell check on that report I laboriously been working since 9am and submitting it to the boss. It's fucking fantabulous knowing the decisions I make would mean something to the ministry. Power rocks. So hell yeah, I'm having fun. Surprised? As was I.

Just don't tell anyone.
And they need to pay my salary already. Seriously. I'm fudging broke and I don't do poverty very well. What the hell is taking them so long? Retards running the ministry, I tell you.
(There, I ended this post with a whine, balance is restored)

Work

My boss is the devil's incarnate. Working with her is ongoing the tortures through all the 7 levels of hell, on loop. Shall tell all about it but for now I have to fend off the hell hounds.