Off a Matchbox

In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on: this person must be fired.

Halp!: I'm currently in the middle of a 17days workday stretch and I get to spend very single one of those with The Schizo Midget Bitch. Ain't life grand?

I Call It Survival

~Meeting room, KPWKM.

Small Evil Boss Person "Bla bla bla bla blah"
Nella "Hum hum hum, do do do, ding dong, the witch is dead, hum hum"
Debbie "What are you doing?"
Small Evil Boss Person "Debbie, if you have something to say, you can share it with the whole room. No? Then please stop talking and pay attention to what I'm saying"
Debbie "Sorry, Datin"
Small Evil Boss Person "Bla bla bla bla blah"
Nella "Hum hum hum, do do do, we're off to see the wizard, hum hum"
Small Evil Boss Person "Bla bla bla bla blah"

*Meeting ends*

Debbie "What were you doing during the meeting?"
Nella "Whaa?"
Debbie "During the meeting, you were like, crazy focused and doing stuff on your laptop"
Nella "Heh heh. Wallpapering"
Debbie "Whaa?"
Nella "Heh heh. Tadaa"
Debbie "Dude. The Midget would be hella pissed if she ever finds out"
Nella "Heh heh"
Debbie "Cute though. Can I have it too?"
Nella "Heh heh"

FIN

Drop a House on Me Already

I've heard news today from a friend about another mutual friend of ours. Good news. Excellent news, in fact. Friend A told me that Friend B got a new job with an awesome company and the pay is amazing. Friend A told me this and I said to Friend A that that is indeed great news. Because Friend B is a good friend. Friend B is kind, funny, loyal and cool. Friend B is also damn pretty, thin, has the greatest hot boyfriend ever and smart. So now Friend B is kind, funny, loyal, cool, damn pretty, thin, has the greatest hot boyfriend ever, smart, has a great job and rich.

I'm happy for Friend B, I really am. I want good things to happen to my friends and this, is what I wish for all my friends.

So, I know that I'm not a good person when I can't help feeling envious and bloody jealous for Friend B.

I can't help it. I know I should be happy for her but I can't. God help me, I just can't. Like I said, I know I should be thankful that something great is happening to somebody nice but all I can feel is this overwhelming feeling of envy.

It got worse when I unconsciously tried to justify this evil feeling with ungracious thoughts. Like maybe Friend B wont like the job, or Friend B'd have a terrible boss and reminding myself with the fact that Friend B's relationship with Friend B's family is not good.

What the hell, man?

I hate it that I'm apparently petty and shallow and insincere. I hate it that I can't just be happy for a friend. I hate that I'm jealous someone is doing better than I am. I hate it that I need to remind myself of the bad things so that I'd stop feeling jealous. Why can't I just be happy for my friend? Do I want something bad to happen to these people I care about? Why do I need to force myself to feel happy about these things? What does that say about me? That all this while I think I'm better than others? What kind of a crappy friend am I? At that, what kind of person?

Not a good one, obviously. So now, I'm jealous, I'm feeling bad that I'm feeling jealous, I'm appalled with myself and with my behaviour and now I know for a fact that I am not a good person.

A colleague advised me to calm down and pergi ambil wudhu'. Helped a bit. That and this ranting I'm doing.
How do you deal with the fact that essentially you're not a good human being?