wentworth miller

dat im bored of doinf nufink.
but, bored i am.

so, this would prolly means me getting a job pretty soon.
like, gawd, how overdued is that?
like, du-h!

staying at home shrinks ur IQ.
mine is prolly around 15 or 12 by now.
everyone knows televisions emits deathly radioactive rays through its glare.
thousands of people dies of brain shrinkage from watching too much tv everyday.
and u could paralyse facial muscles if you use your remote controls too much too.
and the laser thingy also promotes paranoia.
seriously.

bored, that i am.
starting my driving lessons tuesday.
oh wow.
scared shitless.
menace on wheels.
oh joy.
still scared shitless.

wentworth miller

is anyone's guess.

at cousins house in kajang.
had our annual-cousins-horror-movie-wayang gathering yesterday
~oi people. DONT even bother watching EMILY ROSE. big waste of time/money. stupid sodding movie. grrr..
then went for post cinema dinner at sri hartamas. and coffee at mont kiara starbucks since Dhuna was eerily too sleepy to drive home minus caffein.
as always-big fun. if u count out the blasted movie. grr.
(yes, it was that bad)
i overnighted at Dhuna's place cause she was too wimpy to drive home alone and considering my uncle and aunt balik kampung, she needs me. ahem.
so, here i am. at her place, which is avec broadband. woohoo.
raya is not over.
the raya day itself was okay. it was the first raya that i celebrated with all of my grandparents dead. so, less grandeur, more kubur visits.
but it was also the first raya we celebrated at our spanking brand new kampung retreat. great fun. absence of furnitures not withstanding. always great fun when with my perky, wonky relatives around. woohoo.
it was basically an organized scrabble and boggle orgy. nuff said.
the raya when my so-called bf didnt as much as call me but to send sms instead wishing me happy eid. thats just not right, no?
but raya aint over yet.
later today, Maktam's house for laksa.
My house tomorrow, Dad's do. which pretty much means that i have serious dish duty engagement esuk. sigh.
i say; i bloody hate being a daughter during rayas.
soon u can scratch 'being a daughter during' outta that statement.

yawn.
still jobless, still not doing anything to remedy that. still fat. still relatively happy.
running outta clothes that fit though..

w h a t n o w , b r o w n c o w ?
w h a t n o w , b r o w n c o w ?
w h a t n o w , b r o w n c o w ?
w h a t n o w , b r o w n c o w ?

wentworth miller

i am still around.
im just lazy.
but im still around, just fatter, but around.

wentworth miller

post graduation and pre employment break.
how long does one have before the graduate turn into a hopeless bum?
do i realy need to get a job now?

number of time a job being offered via phone: 3
number of time i opened the reqruitment section in local paper: 5
number of time jobs circled in red from the papers: 4
number of time any i took any actions to apply for job from the papers: -nil-
number of time ppl asked me to mail my resume: 3
number of time i posted my resume: -nil-
number of time i was personally intived to attend a walk in interview: 2
number of time i attended any walkin interview i was personally invited: -nil-

pushing my luck, ythink?
oh yes, im really perked up and all set to go find a job.
snort.
the word youre looking for is pathetic.
do i really need to get a job now?

land ho~

GRADUATED LAST SUNDAY!

thoughts throughout:

• is it my turn yet?
• damn, this robe is heavy..
• how the hell do u wear this stuff?
• hot hot hot
• everyone looks different
• hot hot HOT
• one more 'are u working yet?' question and im gonna scream..
• cant believe im actually graduating
• HOt HOT HOT
• when is it gonna be my turn?
• his robe is damn weird
• he is damn weird
• im actually graduating! wow
• bloody freaking hot
• sweat profusely
• gfarking HOT
• my new shoes is damn kewl
• funny how i never talked 2 words to this guy before and now we r exchanging lame jokes
• gray people sitting on a stage in robes..sexy
• dry sweat, dry
• my turn..my turn
• dont stumble, do not stumble
• left feet, right feet, left feet, smile, take scroll, smile, left feet, right feet..
• i didnt stumble..
• i actually graduated..that wasnt so hard...
• what the fuck is that smell.....dedicated to those who knows

now back to being unemployed.

**piccies**

navel gazing

i know im strong enough.
i know im justified.
i know i'll make it through.
im sure it's not that bad.

i know life's up and down.
i know it's warranted.
i know i should care less.
maybe i should care more.

i know it wont last forever.
i know it has to end.
i know i'll make it through.
i have to make it through.

i know im not alone.
i know they're there to help.
i know they want to help.
but i've never felt so alone.

i know im strong enough.
i know they're counting on me.
i know i got their backs.
i hope to God i'm doing what's right.

i know i will survive.
i know i will heal.
i know life will go on.
i know i will survive.

bladderdash revisited

alteration of former official statement

but then again the footie season has started.
i got that much to be excited of.
all important matches marked and noted.
bring it on..
GO GUNNERS!!

bladderdash

official statement

i have utterly nothing going on in my life.
thankyouverymuch.
have a nice day.

daft, but wat do i care

im a bloody useless piece of living paramecium wasting good oxygen on dis god's green earth. aka: hobo loser.

i earned the title, okay?

need to get out of this lurch. small, baby steps, one at a time.
one, i need to stop my pyjamas circle.
i change, from one pyjama to another. its all im wearing nowadays. literally. entirely only pjyamas. its downright scary.
two, reactivate my phone and get back in touch wif frens oi, if its up to me, my only non familial contact wud be the pizza delivery guy and the nextdoor maid.
three, i shall start trying to earn own money which means i need to cash the one paycheck i got from my moonlighting job i did 3 months ago and brush up my resume and start posting them. like it or not.
four, i will try to get out of the house more often. i probably spend 30minutes out of the house daily. tops. and dat is within home compound. i like to think im making up for lost times the 9 years ive been away but i kno better. pitiful. plain pitiful.
five, i shall try to workout more i can go 4 days straight without sweating or walking more than 30 steps a day. and as u can guess, im gaining weight obscenely fast. no suprise, huh? perfect embodiment of a sloth, trully.
six, i shall severe all my ties with the tv ah, dis is a hard one. i remarked to a friend once when asked of the infamous 'wen u getting a job?' question dat i cant get a job cause im engaged all 7 days of the week, with respective tv shows dat i allegedly cant miss. even during an earthquake. the sad thing is, i really meant it. im such a blehh. but seriously i really cant miss lost, or csi new york, or rockstar or desperate housewives. forget it, im a blehh. period
six, i shall finish doing my room. the good thing about this project it im actually making progress. the bad thing isi used to make this kinda progress in 20 minutes when i was in campus rather than the 3months 2weeks and 4days im taking now, living at home. its like a dimensional problem incurring affected by my location straight to my lethargic nerves and limbs. its a medical condition, im sure.
seven, i shall regarding ice cream as my daily supplement thinking i should nip dis one in the bud. its not that serious yet but ive been consuming serious mountload of ice cream. its good ice cream but i kno its really not good. hah. i went 2 days consuming only ice cream (and several delightful mini cupcakes) so u kno this could developd into something serious if allowed to travel its natural course. so there. this wud be my last tub, i promise.

okay. this is it for now.
shall report back in 3 days time.
over and out.

living on the edge

something happend on sunday. it took me three days to decide whether it was a good thing or a highly mortifying bad thing. and seeing how now im posting the tell-all it was probably a good thing. but i have doubts. it could just be me dealing with the humiliation and pretending it was good whereas actually it wasnt.
maybe i should just shut up and get on with the program.

it started of well enough. around breakfast i discovered the house is without my favorite cereal (which i eat not only for breakfast). we were only out of yogurt drink and ice cream and some other stuff. it was the end of the month. so after a cereal-less breakfast, mom, my sister and i bundled off to the nearest giant hypermarket to get the basics. we were also bored.
the only thing about the hypermart i like was the produce section. the neighbourhood giant is with some serious fun produce section. this includes the bakery, deli and the watever it is they have there. serious fun.
so there we were, my sister and i, debating about the finer points of cooking kangkung, when i thot i saw a guy who looks kinda familiar. we was prolly about, 3 aisles away, next to the onion (or was it durian?) bin. after 5 minutes of trying to rack my brain for a name and a place, i was about to pass him off as some guy who looks familiar but apparently not important enough to seriously remember.
so i made some offhand remark to my sister,'that guy looks familiar..' and ambled away leaving her with the cart. then she replied 'you prolly kno each other, he has been staring at us for the past 5 aisles'
interesting.
then i remembered la, farith (not his real name) and we met 3 plus plus years ago. and here's the bomb: i used to date him. i mean, he wasnt my boyfriend or anything but we went out coupla times but didnt hit it off and we sorta drifted apart.
there i was, with my old navy sweat pants, my kinda ratty tshirt, slippers and sunday hair (read: pony tail and couldnt be bothered) not a molecule of makeup. the only good thing i cud say was, at least i smell good. snort.
i know it shouldnt matter, i couldnt even remember his name forheavenssake, but hey, if u wanna stumble across ur ex-almost-bf any sane person wud wish u look an iota better. preferably on the arm of james denton.
anyway, deciding not to care and almost certain dat he sure as hell wont remember me, i went on with our leisurely sunday girls shopping. i ditched my sister to get some yummy chicken potato salad. but the drama aint over yet.
i was standimg in line to get my guilt food weighed and priced at the timbang counter. in front of me was this nice tudung girl. and just my luck, farith appeared out of the woodwork to stand beside her.
no cause to have a heart attack, xcept he kept glancing back. at me. i think. (he could also be checking out the nyonya behind me, but wtf). tudung girl gave some stuff for him to put in the basket he was carrying and he kept on oh-so-nonchalantly looking at me. and he wasnt very subtle about it. i almost had to physically restrain myself from patting my hair or something. sad. about 40 seconds later, i cant stand the suspense any longer and braved a smile. he sorta smiled(grimaced) back. then he turned to me and sed 'do i know u? in a very friendly, puzzled, im-seriously-not-hitting-on-u way.
i sed,'yeah, ure farith, yes? i think i kno u'
the poor bugger was even more suprised. the puzzled look squared. oh drama.
'u have no idea who i am..*smile*' i gave my salad to the timbang girl and got it back in 6 seconds flat, all the while the guy was standing in front of me, still very much clueless. tudung girl is AWOL.
deciding ive been subtly insulted enough for the day. i told him very kindly dat its okay, and u have a good day, byebye now and walked away.
all the while thinking:choi. am i really dat forgetable?
watever.
caught up with my sister at the cereal section. and part II drama: farith came up to us. 'nella kan? are u nella?' pause. then my sister calmly strolled away with the cart. oi.
'sorry i tak kenal u tadi. u had ur shades on, i couldnt remember. nampak u without ur sunglasses then baru ingat.no wonder la nampak familiar sangat'
embarassed laugh all around.
apparently im not at all that forgetable. even 17 pounds overweight and looking like a off duty drag queen.
so we chatted, a little. he was doing his degree in architecture. and he's 25 years old. wow. i dated an older guy when i was 19. i didnt know dat.
so, blah blah blah, lets exchange phone number, shall we? and this he actually said,
'wait, let me get ur number as well, last time u didnt give me your number and u never called me. i even called ur shop (i was with starbucks then) but they say they cant give out employees number. tu yang lost contact tu.
i am lousy with numbers and keeping in touch. strangely flattered dat a guy took the effort. even if it was 3 years ago.
blah blah blah, yeah we shud hang out. blah blah blah. small talk, small talk.
so we parted company with each others numbers and i regaled the tale to my mom on the way back. to which she said,'ure so fat now, noone would even recognize u. no suprise. u really should lose weight'
oi.
ahem. he called me yesterday and we talked somemore. tudung girl was his cousin. hes currently seeing someone else, as i am and love to meet up next time. specially since i live in the same neighbourhood as tudung girl's family.
so, it wasnt so bad.
why then, do i still cringe when i recalled his face wen he couldnt remember me at the salad queue, especially his face when i mentioned his name.

sigh.
every man to his day.
oh drama.

rainbow

obliging min. pretti erm,structure near our lodging. i haf no idea wat it is/its spposed to be. but its pretti tho. as eelin put it "..its so predictable la. nell always goes for the happy preppy colors.."

happy preppy colors rock.

sansamida!!

at long, freaking last.
ladies of shuhaime weekend getaway : KOREA

i discovered after the trip dat me being the photographer person in charge holding the camera most of the time sorta ensures that i haf pictures of every location slash event slash interesting happenings slash everything of the whole trip.
i document very well, if i may say so myself.
that being said, i also discovered dat as the picture person, i wud only end up wif 7 (read it, SEVEN) pictures of me,from overall of the 350 images captured during our 3 days escapade to incheon. seven. i have 13 pictures of the naedaemun gate building but only 7 pictures of me. and i hate half of it.
the word ure looking for is SAD.
anyway;

the infamous naedaemun market gate.nice tho. we went during summer but we it rained everyday. not that we wud let mere rain hamper the activities we had planned, of course. i did mentioned all we did was shop, right? put 3 women together and we else wud u expect? dad promised another korea trip next spring wif the whole family and dat time we would go sight seeing, other than shop that is.



me and me big sister. and rice cakes. they taste awful.look cute but dats about it. this was on our flight back. where i found out that my old dormate, shazana was working as an air hostess. she looked good. i was undeniable exhausted from my 3 days shopping spree and almost slept the whole way. almost. woke up for the meals tho.

korean pasar malam rocks. this place they have pasar malam everyday. yay.me and sister again. me showing the fingers dat hurts the most from carrying all the bags .the few time the camera was in someone elses hands. my mom, this time i tink. piccies are kinda dark. oh well. is it just me or blogger takes a bloody long time to upload pictures.





this is one of the 7 pictures i have of me(or my body parts). i eat dis(the cherry not the body part) by the wagonload all the time in korea. i munched my way throughout seoul. domination thru summer fruits. does eating dimpled chery makes u get dimples? .. i have weird hands and fingers, man. theyre, weirdlike. the foot on top the pic does not belong to me.

conspiracy theory

u ever had the feeling dat the whole world is against u?
well, i ever since i got back i.e about..5?..months ago (has it really been dat long?egads)i have this distinct feeling dat the whole digital world is in a hate rally against me.
seriously, i dubbed my house the bermuda triangle for electronics and digital devices cause literally everything of the aforementioned nature shall break down one way or the other in this place.
the resident desktop computer is forever (FOREVER!!) messed up. my pc dat i brought from labuan died and refuse to work at first, only after a 60 bucks repair. (i ignorantly blamed the airplane cargo handler cause i did have to check it in on flight but i know better now, dont i?) and this laptop is weird. spyware bombardment aside, this laptop is like, temperamentally weird. my printer which was working fabulously in labuan suddenly required a new usb cable and just my luck, a new ink cartridge (predestined aid available tho and thank God for dat. read: low yatt plaza.) the digi cam is with cancer (its wen one thing after the other goes wrong wif it) our tv is is the shop (we've so gotten used to smaller tvs now so maybe we dont need anything 30" anymore.NOT!)
see wat i mean?
and then there are the inspiration killer aspect. easily put, i barely touched my adobe photoshop the this whole long 5 months im home wen i cud barely live without it even for a day my whole 3 years in labuan. totally whack.
and, wats the deal wif astro lately? dad sed is this close to not gonna pay this month's fee for the cable. i dont blame him.
wat im really saying is, fuck it la, ive been trying to upload my korea pix for days now, wats wrong la wei..
seems like i have software and hardware angst in my hand. to think i used to be so compatible wif technology and any element thereof.

"if confusion is the first step to knowledge, then i must be a genius" -larry leissner

no guts no glory

my life is currently in superb shambles.
my whole future is at stake.
wat, u ask, cud possibly it be now?
i shall proceed to indulge u wif the latest saga of my overly dramatic (at times) life.
on the other hand, i have a maths paper to study.
but, u cry, im supposed to have finished all this messy business of pseudo-student affairs.
confusion confusions.
the saga awaits to be foretell.
patients, mere mortal, patience, soothes i.
sordid crystal comprehension alooms.
behold thyself wif this amusefull haiku meanwhile:

"maths sucks.
numbers are bad.
born is hope
maths to rot "

sigh. heartfelt sigh.


~~ wat happens wen u blog directly after reading discworld newsletters.

letter to a fren on a ledge.

dear fred,
i hear u.
but im not willing to settle for 'gud enuff' in dis life.
the way i see it (even more so after reading ur mails) is im not gonna get a second shot at dis.
nor wud u.
one shot, dats it. might as well make it worth it (despite the perpetual mood swings and neurotic tantrums and attitude mal-adjustment)
at least if i screw up (which i undisputedly would) i wud kno dat ive tried. seriousli, i tink having no idea wat ure gonna do next 5 years is not the end of the world.
i dun even haf plans for the next 5 minutes in my life and i kno people whos clueless of their life even at the age of 40. dis, on the hand, is sad.
at the risk of sounding redundant -we're young and sincerely believe dat part of being young is to be a lil stupit wen it comes to things we are to do wif life.
we are meant and suppose (its in the manual, read it) to be reckless, emotional, vulnerable, dissapointed, pseudo-jaded, misunderstood, selfish, mindless, idealistic, misled, etc etc about life. this, wud roughly translate into FUN.
u dig?
its always good to haf plans for ur life. granted, most of what we plan
wudnt go as plan. no sweat, back to the drawing board.
nothing however, is fate worse than giving on life, giving up having ambitions, giving up on dreaming for the better, giving up planning.
i do see whre ure going wif 'dun plan, itll just bite u in the ass later'. just kno dat, u own ur life. no matter how sucki it is.
just dun, i dunno, just dun give up. surefire way to never make anything better.

u kno wat.
maybe ure just goin thru a phase.
like the'im happy, im perky, lets help suicidal frens to be happy and perky' phase im going thru.
as for u and eva langoria [name altered to perserve frenship]
i dunno, im thinking ure thinking dat eva langoria is prolly the best thing to happen to you.
which is always good but u shud think on how much eva langoria means in ur
life, on the whole, as opposed to u in hers.
frankly, it seems like u might not be fair to her in dis.

the wise guru-ji,
nella shuhaime M D
psychoanalyst extrodinaire

postscript:fred, theres a higly definite possibility dat i migt just be talking thrash. u kno im exceptionally gud at
doing dat. fell free to disregard all. i have too many emotional garbage
involved here.

the return of-

life, or elements thereof has been okay.
latest garbage dat happend from the time i pulled the vanishing act eons ago (in no particular order):-

1.went korea for a short shopping trip wif mom and sister. sinfully great fun. i was broke before, im magnificently negative-broke now.
2. FINISHED MY PRACTICAL TRAINING. whee. i declared myself 4 years of public holidays to celebrate. yay. yay. yay. ergo..
3. im officially unemployed. undecidedly doing a thesis of the exact science of the molecular of higher nervous system thermo inactivity in relative radition exposure from boxlike apparatus for displaying picture and sound. hah! tenure anyone?
4. my grandma is at her deathbed. been travelling to and fro kuantan repeatedly over these 3 weeks. shes not looking too good lately. suddenly its not funny anymore eh?
5. gained 6 kgs. no biggie. choke.

oh well, life goes on..

grain of truth

there are times wen i am so incredibly selfish, i scare miself.

wen life gives u lemons..

i live to read
for those who is ignorant of my life and i (wise choice tho, i shud say), i consume books and magazine and columns and every single printed matter ever existed.
fact: i also read very fast.
and heres a closet skeleton: i read paperback romances.
frankly, i am a bit bashful admittng out loud dat i read those kinda fiction
but fact remains, i do
and the funny thing is, im the least most romantic person i kno
honestly, i think reading romances requires the tiniest amount of neuron activity and dat i like. i say, i read to primarily to relax and unwind, therefore im validated.so leave me alone. unlike sum people, i am NOT a literature snob. i respect nietzsche and wagner as much as i do howard or quinn or dahl or gibson or milton. its all around, indiscriminating, unconditional, convention-defying, passionate love that i feel towards books and/or reading. no regards. its humbling, realli
*cough*
off d tangent here
point being: my life is a lot made of me reading outta sumthg
so, its logical precendent that i wud kno good authors/writers as opposed to urm, the opposed. just sumtime you'd find a writer that .. connects. forgive the cliche, but the kind of writing that u cud actually feel you totally, utterly, painfully comprehend every nuances of emotional engangement being conveyed in the writing. i cant say i totally agree with good writers are those able to make readers self-relate to their reading (its only so often that u cud become a misunderstood nun living in the alps with national conspiracy looming in ur horizon and ull end up having to save the galaxy in 2 weeks), just the kind of writing that, for lack of better words, educate. in the truest meaning of the word.
i foolishly discover that anyone could think of a clever story plot with unassuming twists and nifty endings. BUT not everyone could write them in ways that works, at least not for me. and anyone who reads wud kno dat its pretti hard finding authors wif writings dat works for u. this is amazingly true. well, its like dat wif me, anyway.
this wud explain why upon every discovery of 'working' authors i wud stick to them until i suck them dry i.e. pratchett, fford, dahl, tolkien, sheldon, masterton, doyle, roy, blah blah
seems to be working (ask me again after i get the last 8 practhett books to read.)
comfort pointers:pratchett is still writing and fford is too, so i still haf time to find nu good writers. good authors (albeit, my good authors) shud be granted immortality. ythink?
the quest for more literature morsel continues, for the time being im temporarily content exploring a new niche supplied by 2 of my collegues. yay.
and the www factor, oh boy the internet. boundless, seemingly unending ocean of literature published all available at your convinience, to read to your hearts delight.
but being diehard paperback fan, i cud never betray myself reading wif any ebooks garnered online. just the blogs, articles, postings, ykno, lightweight readings.
all this digression.
my point: i stumbled upon my high skool's senior website and heres me understatementing her capabilities: she can realli realli realli write
i had goosebumps
she is doing her last semester in the states. her blog entries, her articles, her feedbacks and everything she has taken to write was absolute wonder to read
i was in awe
i tink i found an idol
i read all the entries back to march 2003 and came to one painful conclusion: i wish i cud write like her.

to which this trail of depressing revellations was unearthed, a)i have no published works. nada. not one. b)i have yet to finish one (read it, one) complete literature work on anything c)i really dont think dat im a good writer after all
the last one wasnt realli a suprise
as my reflexive mental self preservation kicked into gear, i found complacent (if not a tad hypocritical) facts that may/maynot aid me in my striving literature endavour.
simply: all in all, im doin pretti ok for a girl who was initialli introduced to english as a secondary language and has never lived abroad. and considering my peers, im writng pretti darn good stuff too. if u like chaos. maybe im an acquired taste. austen, ill never be but i never liked chuzzlewit anyway.

feel a lot better now

it is still my heartfelt wish to be able to be a good writer. nothing earth-shattering, just decent. i guess, i need to start being a writer first and foremost.

i like reading what i write, i guess thats a start
blehh

i still heart joey gilbert

ha!
obsessed squared

i haf temp access to the internet at d office now
yay
i dun kno for how long
no YM tho
i pretti much tink ive surfed everything there is to surf
blehh

ive done dis once before, i kno
but im bored
and its my blogpage
blehh

phreak questionaire palooza
Your Fears: height, mortality,
Your Perfect Pizza: cheese, paperoni, cheese, capsicum, cheese, shredded chickin, cheese, tabasco, olive, cheese, onions, cheese, thin crust, thick, pastry tomato sauce
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: notice the color of the sky more often
Your Most Overused Phrase: "blehh.."
Thoughts First Waking Up: i need more sleep
Your Best Physical Feature: i sorta hate evrythg about miself right now, ask again tomorro
Your Most Missed Memory: all my travels
Pepsi or Coke: coke, definitely
MacDonalds or Burger King: mcD. im kinda hooked wif their foldovers right now
Do you Swear: fuck yeah
Do you Sing: yes
Do you Shower Daily: twice a day, at least
Have you Been in Love: pass
Do you want to get Married: eventualli, yes
Do you want to have Kids: maybe
Do you belive in yourself: to do what?
Do you get Motion Sickness: long distance-puny kelisa: YES.
Do you think you are Attractive: i seriously dont
Are you a Health Freak: nope. wannabe
Do you get along with your Parents: sumtimes
Do you like Thunderstorms: lightnings too
Do you play an Instrument: nope, i like to think if i cud play any, itll be the drums
Do you Dance: love it! just not in public

In the past month have you...
Read a Book: finished 45 of it actualli
Smoked: no sir
Been on Drugs: no sir
Gone on a Date: not really. dunno whether that one time counts. blehh
Gone to the Mall: yes, too broke to buy anything tho *snort*
Eaten a box of Oreos: okay this is getting weird
Eaten Sushi: no, still recovering from the "KK sushi episode"
Been on Stage: nope, been nowhere near a stage lately

Have you ever...
Been Drunk: no
Been Beaten up: physicalli, no.
Shoplifted: oh yes. fundamental of childhood upbringing
Been Kissed: yes
Been Publicly Embarassed: maybe. i dunno. i tend to block out unsavory memories
Had a Tottaly Outrageous Crush: yes. the guy was 45 years old and ridiculously handsome, distingushed, funny, cute and married. cruel world

Later in Life
How do you want to Die: happy and prepared
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: what i want and what will happen are completely different
What country would you most like to Visit: italy

What Do You Want in A Guy
two words: joey gilbert

Other Crap...
Number of CDs I own: 150 something
Number of DVDs I own: 350 something co ownership wif whole famille
Number of Piercings: 6
Number of Tattoos: zero
Number of Most Clothing Item: shoes, stop counting at 31 pairs
Number of things in my Past I Regret: regrets are dumb, i have none

snort

i heart joey gilbert

obsessed.

met shiren yesterday
after more than a month of not seeing each other
funny wen u think that we used to live together
went to ikea, shiren is to find a new bed
she claims to be currently sleeping inna coffin box right now
i feel in love wif everything in ikea
thank god i was so broke
we din buy any bed but we found one kewl bed that shiren might buy if her mom approve the feng-shui ness of it
oh well
it was mothers day yesterday too
so i refrained from arguing (ahem) with mine the whole day
hohoho
which is more than i cud say for shiren
hahahaha
we had fun
monkee introduced me to the absolute delightful sun moulin cream puff
absolute decadent *moan*

on a mission to find frito lay
sour cream and vinegar
tak jumpe pun
tomorro shall go isetan to find
must.haf.frito.lay

found my KK backpacking trip journal
dismally absymal
i dun journal that well so it seems
we'll see wat i can do with the 15 pages notes on my trip
the trip's pix are in KL (priorly in Penang)
now if only Shiren wud letme haf em
hurry up la oi ka'che

its monday and i have already finished reading 2 books
last 3 weeks' record was 21 books a week
speed reading squared
its a curse, take my word for it

hungry
me going to pantry to gobble my MCD chickin foldover

backpacking sabah, the story

is long overdued, i kno
still waitng for the pics from penang
ill be posting my wondrous and highly exciting backpacking trip traipising around sabah
soon

i shall end my unnecessary entry with a equally unnecessary picture of the freshly eliminated, greatly missed joey gilbert of the contender (the kewlest reality sho on earth, bar none)

im in love. how could i not be? hes cute and u shud see him fight
boxing has never been so exciting. joey, i wanna haf ur kids.
mrs joey gilbert. mrs nella gilbert. mrs nella s gilbert. *swoon*
kindly disregard former entries wif mentions of me having a bf

fun wif ol fwens

after not seeing my bf for almost 5 months (could be more than dat actualli) we went out yesterday.
explaination:haniff is taking a kwik semester so he cud only come back during long weekends. seems like we could never get outta the the long-distance-relationship bandwagon. one person wud be home and so happens d otha cud not *sigh* oh well. we do try
anyway. haniff was home and we went out sunday. no plans. just 'lets go out and figure stuff to do later'
got up with sod and his gf and his gf's lil sister at klcc. they were spposed to go catch peterpans concert at planet hollywood but wasnt lucky enuff to get tickets. *LOL*
since the johore kids was in town everyone decided to meet up. after unwisely spending like, 50 bucks on books, biscuits and birthday card at klcc, sot and posse hitched a ride with us and we went ampang cause apparently the guys arranged a jamming session before dinner. met buyong at another nondescript jamming studio (im no expert but after a while all these studios look and smell the same. and not inna good way)
then kailan came wif his very quiet and strangely reserved cousin.(seriously, its hard to understand why anyone wouldnt feel right at home with the crew, they, we are as friendly and cool and accepting as a pack of walruses with erm, another walrus) anyway, after indeterminate hours (felt like forever..) subjecting my eardrums to long forgotten torture (lemme make myself clear here, it wasnt that the guys werent any good. i mean, ive seen worse bands and ive always admired zams on both drums and guitar, he so rox and sods singing is, well, tolerable and kailan and buyong and haniff can realli play, of course but well, lets just blame it primarily on the obscenely loud volume, which is all but xpected inna jamming studio thus makes my loquacious whinning so far void)
spem and shikin came in as the guys were going for the last song (thank u god!)
ignoring the ringing in both ears we headed to a foodcourt nearby. buyongs family just opened a stall there and he was treating us dinner. free food always equals to big fun
another of our matrix buddy came in later. but i honestly cant remember who he is.
was the first to leave, it was already 11 pm, im so already fatally late and haniff has a futsal date wif his high skool frens at 12.
my dad almost killed me but i got off with a warning-dad wass too sleepi to deal wif my tardiness before bed. yay (i kno, 22 wif a curfew, magnimously pathetic. r u thankful ure not me yet?)

it was great fun
its been almost 2 years since we last got a chance to hang out like dat
always great fun to catch up wif everyone
brings back memories
some of the crew were missing: berb, hasan
but its all good
we laughed a lot always would
cant really say that 3 years of uni has changed any of us, not a lot and not that would anyone could care anyway
a little wiser perhaps
not that hanging out wif each other holds any prominent opportunities to exercise anything remotely 'wise'. little or other'wise' ahem. pun intended
everyone got a go being the butt of a joke. plural for sod (sorry bud, but the hair, the peterpan escapade etc was literally asking for it)
but since zam and i was sitting across the table there was no real harm done
lotsa depressing discussion on repeating and extending our study terms
really hate to leave but just not comfortable staying out late ( hate to give dad a reason to decapitate me, anyway)
lets do this again sometime.
recurring ruptured eardrums and everything

where the hell haf i been

answer:suffering

oh well
its been what, a month?
banyaknyer kejadian yang seronok untuk diceritakan
but lets bercerita pasal kejadian tak seronok dulu
get it out of our system
hoho

i started my practical
last month
Golden Holidays-MAS
no allowence
830 to 530
5 days a week
BLURDI HELL-BOSAN NAK MAMPUS
gawd

u kno wat
xde mood nak tulis dah
i shall end this blog wif a scary yet completely utterly painfully true statement
hell, i wish i was back in school
end

happy birthday abah!

medan piccies
Originally uploaded by disputed over-lamb.

mak, abah and me: danau toba,2003

happy birthday abah
happy birthday abah
lalalalala

i called him like, at noon. baru teringat
nak wishla kononnye

the conversation went sumting like this

me: lalalala (tunggu abah pick up the phone)
abah: hello?
me: bah? ila ni.
abah: oh.yes? why? duit habis?
me: erm, no-lah. happy birthday abah, happy birthday abah, happy birthday to abah, happy birthday abah..
abah: oh (sounding a tad relieved. the reason for this didnt occur to me until later) thanks! hows ur xm?
me: lets not spoil your day la. how was the wedding? (whole family balik kuantan for my cousins wedding yesterday)
abah: it was ok. im wif mak now, shopping for kain batik. akak and adikadik kat rumah nenet.
me: kewl.(damn, at dis precise moment i was worried my credit wouldnt last the conversation) tell them i said hi. gotta run. happy birthday, ok?. many happy returns. u enjoy ur day. i luff u.
abah: i luff u too. u still haf duit ke?
me: got la, some.
abah: oh. ok (not convinced)
me: alright abah. byebye
abah: bye
-end-


then i noticed la.
choi.
obviously, abah ingat the only reason i would want to call him would be because
and only when im broke ergo asking for more money for him
sad
im 22 aledi wei
sad
betta start earning own money soon.
sad

anyway

i love u, abah
i swear im gonna start paying u back. soon
i hope

timecheck:430 am

me and wiwi.
we wuv each otha.

project room
this was 5 hours ago.
shes asleep now
poor thing
penny got googoodolls iris on play
aircond whirring
keyboard taps
mouse clicks
occasional cursing
the smell of heated cables
cpus humming
if u listen hard enuff u cud actualli hear the waves at the beach

aah
IT student living in labuan
it doesnt sux that much to be me

get a load of dis

tolongla tenaga pengajar ums kal ni
~certain je la, i kno its not gud to generalized but right now lecturer yang okay amatla minority berbanding dgn as opposed. so, hahaha. lantak.
gawd
the whole lot of them, for lack of betta word, BAPAKLA TAK PROFESSIONAL!!!
imagine dis
seorang budak, the fact that hes a fwen of mine not withstanding, was in the middle of his final project presentation, an online pc shop, so there he was, blabbering to his examiners at the table,which is like, 3 feet in front of him and suddenly this moron [another lecturer] came in through the side door.since everyone came in the same door, its not a big deal, he's a moron before entering the door even, but anyway, he came in. lost yet?
now this moron, shall name him E (for 'egoistical bastard') stood at the side of the examiners table, it was a saturday so i forgive him for wearing track pants and moldy tshirt (but seriously, common,he oughta be hanged just because) anyway, he stood at the table for a while. my fren khairul was still erm, presenting and suddenly E (also for 'eww') walked up front, across the floor, went to the front of the other side of the examiners table and took an orange (an orange!!) that was on the table.picked the orange, walked back to the door, stood at former place, start peeling orange. peel.peel.turn to leave, put orange in mouth.left. in the middle of a kid's presentation.khairul was talking all those time.project II.as in, u fail this presetation, we're seeing u next semester when u retake project II.as in, dressed up to present the slides we prepared for the system we designed forsaking 7 weeks of sleep and life. as in, gawd i hope i can score my project II so dat my CGPA wont go down that much.
IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF A BLURDI PRESENTATION, YOU MORON
what, being a lecturer gives u extra super power to become oblivious to courtesy, excepted from being civilised ke?
blurdi asshole la
he wasnt even supposed to be there
and so if what he's dating one of the, wats the word, ho, that was khairuls examiner.
oi, you dont just walk in the middle of the floor when theres something going on just because you can get away wif it
bodo la
bodo la

banyak lagi ke'pandaian' dan ke'hebatan' pensyarah my fac that is beyond human comprehension but shall endure not to embarass miself to much by association.
bleh

dahla aku amek subject ngan lecturer bangang ni
memang tak berkat..

bebudak SSIL yang sikit off center-the sequel

kaplai at the back, lutfi's forehead, khairul azmi and ahem, urs truly.
people,
meet the real bebudak SSIL yang memang tak penah center pun
dalam ketiga-tiga ni satu bende yang tak pernah wujud adalah
suara kerasionalan yang insaf
which, most of the time, is a necessity in a normal social group but the non existance of it in this heap of weirdos would lead them into doing the most superpelik, uberntahapeape and takpernahdifikirkanmanusia thing ever.
wud entertain the masses wif our legendary exploits some otha time
berjilid doh

updates on the presentation thingy
aiyo
zamhar killed everyone
hahaha
semua nangis teresak-esak after dat
dahla kene the infamous "represent after one week" line
tabahkanlah hatimu lutfi and semua, stalker korang stil chenta sama korang
iye ke??

bebudak SSIL yang sikit off center

now tengah presentation
if jumper memane budak my fact, SSIL yang 3rd year, soalan lain takde, bebalik
"amacam presentation kau?"
or
"dah present?"
or
"kau dapat saper presentation?"
paling bodoh pun
"present bile?"
adela yang sesat, everytime tanye "buleh jumpa tak" aiyo, penat, aku tanak jumpe, tanak jumpe laa paham?

bosan?
ntahla
dah mmg nak tau yang tu pun
tapi mmg pattern sosial yang obviousla

hulu hilir angkut cpu
muka suma macam last tido 4 bulan lepas
bilik sensorang mmg dilanda garuda

tapik
project mmg gempak laaaa
ahem
kecuali sesaper yang terkecuali

yang pasti:
bebudak bawah zamhar mmg excellent
ahem
ni selasa ni berduyun nak present
gudluck la

as for me:
dah habis dah
okay?
ok kot
stil here
stil alive
takyah represent so dats a gud thing
takyah xtend , dats even better
captains unofficial log: first person buat case study kat campus ni survived.tapi ntahla lagi pengsudahannyer.
lalalala

nak hujan
nanti buat "budak SSIL yang sikit off center-the sequel."
oi. losers yang bakal present
kick ass
kick ass
kick ass
hohoho

happi V day y'all

ho ho ho
bf nun jauh dsana.camne la nak celebrate?
mujurla..(??)
ahem

loh
presentation dis tuesday
v day wud just hafta wait



love each other peeps.


haniff::ure not sposed to read dis, but in case u are, those roses u sent last year would prolly last u 2 more v-days so, ure off the hook. snort.143!

asphyxiation

tak boleh bernafas
yang dihadapan mata
hati pun tak tenteram

masalah dah banyak
kenapalah nak cari nahas tambahan
tak sayang nyawa ke?

huda::merosakkan bahasa adalah tidak mengapa sekiranya perosak bahasa yang dibincangkan merupakan insan yang mudah disayangi dan dikasihi seperti saya. ok?

BM C3-obvious tak?

complicated squared

wat happend to easi?
nothing is ever easy nowadays
everything just hafta be friggin complicated
farking complex
couldnt have it any other way
else it would be too easy
cant haf it easi
oh no

~we were happy as frens
why did u hafta mess that up?

going postal

in paperback
bile nak kuar oi?

bleh
kalo org dah tak kasi baca pun nak baca jugak
degil betul
no quote-unquote after ni eh?
sangat nakal
main jejauh


not making much sense
oh well, wat else is new?

aidiladha 2005, labuan. me and min. we sleep together, i mean, next to each other. happy belated birthday kiddo..

some explaination is needed here::the only reason i was wearing the shades was because my right eye was completely swollen shut that day. thats it. disamping kelihatan seperti artis sesat di pagi aidiladha. nak buat camner, i cant just shut off my glamorous gene now, can i??
yes, its the same bajukurung i wore for aidilfitr. bukan disposable pun..
lalalalala


rindunye orang itu bertahun tak jumpe.

bitches overload

when seemingly nice girls morphed into evvil bitches, whos to blame?
wat to do
were there some early signals that we missed before such transformation occured?
did we, in any way, contribute to this shocking change that accredits the total demolition of a former pleasant fren to a staggeringly annoying gorgonite monster?
has it always been there in the first place, a lurking alter ego just waiting for the right moment to spring out, unwarned, and torture fellow innocent housemates?
it happens before you know it, for the stupidest reason, the tilt to the balance that permits the emergence of a disruptive force, wreaking havoc priorly peaceful life of people of lesser complexity and fewer moronic factor in their life
wat to do?
ignore them, sounds like the very thing to do. why shud we care if some people entertain the "mr-hyde" chromosome in their non functioning brain
realible solution, if only they rnt in our face 24/7
so wat to do, now?
wat to do when they resort to some supremely idiotic behavior like running to nap at other ppls room just bcause the decible level was a tad above a wheezing flea and it sorta bother them trying to get their 16th hour of sleep
oh well
like i give a damn anyway
its fun to watch tho
highly entertaining, slightly funny, enough irritation and emotional factor to not be boring

oh these lesser mortals
how they make me laff....
*guffaws*

I heart my familee

lalalalabaru menguploadkan diri
gambar yang uber lama
tapi tetap berharga
di hati...
lalalala



oh
merindui keluarga
miscalled mak tadi
of which she'd call me back usually
and she did
we talked
ngumpat my sister
and her 'bi' (i swear it stands for 'babi', god forbid if its actually short for 'baby' or worse, 'hubby'..gross)
we (my mom and i) are happily calling my sister 'pregnant'
no, shes not married.just because the unbelievably horrid mood swings she has been experiencing for the last, what, 2 years
bad
whole world is suffering
you guys just dont know it yet

nway.
i love my family
and i missesss them
and oh, my sister too.
lalalala

must..get..food

surfing for me product and brand management asigmment
so blurdi hungry
cant tink straight
not that im saying dat i tink straight after eating
but im hungry
gawd
shall change this this blog to
"grouchy when not promptly fed"
whaddya tink?
dats it
my neurons just went on a strike
feed me
feed me

what now brown cow..

wireless sux

am at my campus' podium
the wireless sux
my fren next to me also suxes
gawd. the power connection here sux
lutfi sux
khairul sux too (according to lutfi)sumtime, lutfi sez, he swallows. fark if i kno wat theyre talkng about
this laptop's keyboard sux big time
the laundrette sux
my berpasir baju sux too
the fen pehn articles on the net sux
my product and brand management asignment sux
eelin going home today for CNY sux

au contaire:
my housemate's nasi goreng rox
the beach this afternoon rox too
the kuah kacang we made semalam roxed
my impromtu town trip and botanical garden ice cream picnic wif the retardos rox
pictures we printed at the kodak kiosk from khairuls phone rox too
my big plan wif khairul to get deq's picture rox evvilly
i rox this island
thus, this island rox
ergo, those on this island rox
capisce?

life, as it is..sux

im alive still
barely
dead busy
with more dead-busyness forecasted
oh gawd
this must be the longest 4 months in my life
sangat sibuk
oh well
chew u later


in case i go MIA again:
+60126548442