weddings redundacies

I'm happy that my friends are getting married. I'm honored that they deemed me important enough to invite me to share their most joyous day. I wish with all my heart all my happily married friends the best and I mean it.
But fuck, I hate weddings.
Because, on the day of celebrating of relationships, relationships comes into focus, or in my case the lack of.

Because of all the 'when are you getting married?' question
Because if my droll "Tomorrow, actually. Do come." is not enough, I have to resort to a winding, lengthy explanation on my slightly recent single-dom and hoping they'd lose interest halfway. Because trying to assure people that I quite like being unattached is never easy, especially if I have to endure the pitying look they give me.

Because the self-doubt and self-pitying it arouses.
Maybe it's the whole wedding ambiance, but when you start to doubt ever breaking up with your ex, it's never a good thing.
Because, for the briefest moment, you actually wish you are seeing someone so that you wont feel so pathetic that you're also single on top of not joining the marriage bandwagon anytime soon. But then you remembered the farce of a relationship that you had and what it took for you to get out of it. And suddenly you don't feel bad about being single without any immediate prospect of getting married. Because it's better than the alternative.
Because, by now you should know better than to be in a relationship only for the sake of wanting to be in one, instead of wanting to be with someone.

Because you want to be happy for the couple.
And because it's hard to be that when other trivial, insipid things are shallowly factored in. Like who's the most successful, like who lost the most weight, like who remembered what she said about her in 4th form, like who makes the most money. Because despite all, you want to strip everything away and just be happy. For everyone.

Because I hate weddings.
But because I really am happy for my married friends.
And because I can catch up with old friends (friends who doesn't care who makes how much and bloody don't care who got fatter) and I get to be happy with them for each other.
And because I'm reminded of my priorities in life.
Maybe because I hate weddings so much.