Dear Stranger I'm Rooming With,
Hi. Seems like we're stuck with each other for a while, eh? I don't know you and you don't know me but we're about to share and see each other doing intimate stuff. Maybe you should know that I'm prepared to like you. I'm a pretty likable girl myself, I like to think. But also at that, I'm also prepared to think you're crap.
One thing I ask, since we're now sharing a bathroom, is that keep the floor dry. Please. This is very important. It's not okay have any water on the floor. Because I will do everything I can and have to, to keep the bathroom floor dry. I will harass housekeeping into giving us an extra floor towel. I will get (and stay) on your case until you get this right. And should I ever find the floor wet after you using the toilet, I will gladly use your bath towel to wipe the water on the floor, around the commode and on the walls. I'm not kidding. I made it abundantly clear the floor has to be dry at all time. I even made up that ridiculous story about having bad balance and mortal fear of slipping on wet tiles. I lied because I was being nice. So if you can't follow this one rule, I will straight out say to your face that how damn kampung or stupid (it's not exclusive) can you be not to know how to use the toilet and keep the floor dry at the same time? Seriously. And wipe the damn counter tops too when you're fucking done too, please.
And yes, stranger I'm rooming with, I bathe a lot. Especially before bed. I like being clean when I sleep. But I also understand that some people still struggle with issues of their hygiene even when they are 30 years old.
It is not weird to unpack and put all clothes in the drawers either, stranger I'm rooming with. I do that if I'm staying for more than one night. You correctly assume I do this because I like to avoid clothes getting crumpled. But I also do this so that I wont have my clean clothes and dirty laundry in one cramped, airless bag. So, you may well take heed of this, that when I have one piece of shirt stinking of BO, my clean clothes are not being infused by it when I shoved it into a small space together.
I watch a lot of TV. Whenever I can. I hog the remote too. This I am not ashamed to admit. This is where communication is needed. Tell me if you want to watch something else. I may (or may not) compromise. I believe I am a peaceful TV watcher and will always mute the volume when you're praying. I also believe I watch interesting stuff. I appreciate you approving my choices of TV programmes. I am happy to be the person to introduce you to the joy of watching Mythbuster, Dirty Jobs and Man vs. Wild. But stop talking when I'm watching. I do not need to hear your comments on anything regarding the show we are now watching together. This is where communication is absolutely not needed. Shut up and just watch the show. While we're at that, even if you can't understand what they're showing while I'm watching ESPN, the shut the fuck up rule still applies.
Stay out of my toiletries bag. And just because you asked, the reason I have sunblock in the bag is because I use this one toiletries bag for all my travels. It has everything I think I need for when I travel. Sometimes, where I go may require me slathering sunblock. Not this time though. The existence of that tube of SPF50 sunblock in my zipped toiletries bag does not dictate my desire to swim in the hotel pool. I applaud your use of brain to deduct this, Sherlock, but unfortunately this is not true. And again, if you ever touch my stuff, I will whoop your ass.
So okay, inasmuch as I detest asking you for anything, I need to borrow your prayer mat. Don't act so surprise that I know and execute this necessity of a Muslim to perform the 5 prayers a day. Your surprise insults me. And I don't really need your prayer mat, I could always use the spare bath towel and even better, I could just have housekeeping send one up. I understand how a shallow person such as yourself may conform your mind to stereotype people as it is easier than keeping an open mind, but I really do know what I am doing and you should stop acting so fucking astonished that one such as I can actually solat normally. You know what, keep your mat, I'm calling housekeeping.
I like quiet time to myself. For this may surprise many, I enjoy some alone time just doing things I enjoy i.e. reading, messing around on my laptop, watching TV. So, stranger I'm rooming with, you may find me in this room we share more often than not when I don't have to be anywhere else. Feel free to leave me alone. I am not lonely. I am not in need of you filling up the silence. I like the silence. I don't feel the same about you. Usually I would spare some time getting to know the new people I meet, for I am a pretty friendly person, as I have mentioned and I like talking and getting to know people better. But seeing how there's completely nothing about you that does not irritate the hell out of me, I don't want to talk to or with you. I'm sorry you only get to see my splendidferous stuck up bitch side for I do have a more lovelier side I present to normal people. But you had your chance and you blew it when you bathed a spasmodic whale on the bathroom floor on the first day we started rooming together.
Lastly, dear stranger I'm rooming with, you'd notice that I use the shower cap when I shower. I would leave the shower cap on the hook next to the hairdryer on the vanity. Should you feel like sharing that, go ahead. Just don't let me know. But if you're not using it, leave it fucking well alone. Getting the shower cap wet in the inside is not cool. At all. Why are you playing with my shower cap, in any case? Can you get any weirder? Do you need special attention I should know of? If you want something to play, play with my razor. Slide the top part on your wrists. Look at the pretty red liquid gushing out. Just make sure to do it in the tub. I still wont tolerate wet tiles. Even by blood.
So there. I can't say I'm happy to meet you, stranger I'm rooming with. I am sure though that you'll be no less of a stranger to me when we part ways then when we we first meet. I wish you all the best and all the wet toilet tiles you ever wish.
Sincerely,
Nella
Room 618, Concorde, Shah Alam
Hi. Seems like we're stuck with each other for a while, eh? I don't know you and you don't know me but we're about to share and see each other doing intimate stuff. Maybe you should know that I'm prepared to like you. I'm a pretty likable girl myself, I like to think. But also at that, I'm also prepared to think you're crap.
One thing I ask, since we're now sharing a bathroom, is that keep the floor dry. Please. This is very important. It's not okay have any water on the floor. Because I will do everything I can and have to, to keep the bathroom floor dry. I will harass housekeeping into giving us an extra floor towel. I will get (and stay) on your case until you get this right. And should I ever find the floor wet after you using the toilet, I will gladly use your bath towel to wipe the water on the floor, around the commode and on the walls. I'm not kidding. I made it abundantly clear the floor has to be dry at all time. I even made up that ridiculous story about having bad balance and mortal fear of slipping on wet tiles. I lied because I was being nice. So if you can't follow this one rule, I will straight out say to your face that how damn kampung or stupid (it's not exclusive) can you be not to know how to use the toilet and keep the floor dry at the same time? Seriously. And wipe the damn counter tops too when you're fucking done too, please.
And yes, stranger I'm rooming with, I bathe a lot. Especially before bed. I like being clean when I sleep. But I also understand that some people still struggle with issues of their hygiene even when they are 30 years old.
It is not weird to unpack and put all clothes in the drawers either, stranger I'm rooming with. I do that if I'm staying for more than one night. You correctly assume I do this because I like to avoid clothes getting crumpled. But I also do this so that I wont have my clean clothes and dirty laundry in one cramped, airless bag. So, you may well take heed of this, that when I have one piece of shirt stinking of BO, my clean clothes are not being infused by it when I shoved it into a small space together.
I watch a lot of TV. Whenever I can. I hog the remote too. This I am not ashamed to admit. This is where communication is needed. Tell me if you want to watch something else. I may (or may not) compromise. I believe I am a peaceful TV watcher and will always mute the volume when you're praying. I also believe I watch interesting stuff. I appreciate you approving my choices of TV programmes. I am happy to be the person to introduce you to the joy of watching Mythbuster, Dirty Jobs and Man vs. Wild. But stop talking when I'm watching. I do not need to hear your comments on anything regarding the show we are now watching together. This is where communication is absolutely not needed. Shut up and just watch the show. While we're at that, even if you can't understand what they're showing while I'm watching ESPN, the shut the fuck up rule still applies.
Stay out of my toiletries bag. And just because you asked, the reason I have sunblock in the bag is because I use this one toiletries bag for all my travels. It has everything I think I need for when I travel. Sometimes, where I go may require me slathering sunblock. Not this time though. The existence of that tube of SPF50 sunblock in my zipped toiletries bag does not dictate my desire to swim in the hotel pool. I applaud your use of brain to deduct this, Sherlock, but unfortunately this is not true. And again, if you ever touch my stuff, I will whoop your ass.
So okay, inasmuch as I detest asking you for anything, I need to borrow your prayer mat. Don't act so surprise that I know and execute this necessity of a Muslim to perform the 5 prayers a day. Your surprise insults me. And I don't really need your prayer mat, I could always use the spare bath towel and even better, I could just have housekeeping send one up. I understand how a shallow person such as yourself may conform your mind to stereotype people as it is easier than keeping an open mind, but I really do know what I am doing and you should stop acting so fucking astonished that one such as I can actually solat normally. You know what, keep your mat, I'm calling housekeeping.
I like quiet time to myself. For this may surprise many, I enjoy some alone time just doing things I enjoy i.e. reading, messing around on my laptop, watching TV. So, stranger I'm rooming with, you may find me in this room we share more often than not when I don't have to be anywhere else. Feel free to leave me alone. I am not lonely. I am not in need of you filling up the silence. I like the silence. I don't feel the same about you. Usually I would spare some time getting to know the new people I meet, for I am a pretty friendly person, as I have mentioned and I like talking and getting to know people better. But seeing how there's completely nothing about you that does not irritate the hell out of me, I don't want to talk to or with you. I'm sorry you only get to see my splendidferous stuck up bitch side for I do have a more lovelier side I present to normal people. But you had your chance and you blew it when you bathed a spasmodic whale on the bathroom floor on the first day we started rooming together.
Lastly, dear stranger I'm rooming with, you'd notice that I use the shower cap when I shower. I would leave the shower cap on the hook next to the hairdryer on the vanity. Should you feel like sharing that, go ahead. Just don't let me know. But if you're not using it, leave it fucking well alone. Getting the shower cap wet in the inside is not cool. At all. Why are you playing with my shower cap, in any case? Can you get any weirder? Do you need special attention I should know of? If you want something to play, play with my razor. Slide the top part on your wrists. Look at the pretty red liquid gushing out. Just make sure to do it in the tub. I still wont tolerate wet tiles. Even by blood.
So there. I can't say I'm happy to meet you, stranger I'm rooming with. I am sure though that you'll be no less of a stranger to me when we part ways then when we we first meet. I wish you all the best and all the wet toilet tiles you ever wish.
Sincerely,
Nella
Room 618, Concorde, Shah Alam
8 comments:
hahaha!
thanks for this fun, entertaning entry!
kau btol2 marah. Takut aku. Kau duk braper lamer kat saner?
seriously, dia main shower cap kau? seriosly?
Owh!
kak am: i was mostly incensed. but good to know it serves dual purposes.
thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings.
tim: oh ya. duduk selama 4 hari 3 malam. cukup lama untuk plot pembunuhan teman sebilik dengan teliti.
main dengan shower cap itu seolah-olah perkara kecil yang aku betul-betul tak faham dan tak boleh terima. sama seperti lantai bilik air yang basah. tapi kau faham kan kenapa aku begitu menyirap marah dengan perkara-perkara kecil berikut?
Lantai bilik yang basah itu perkara yg agak besarlah. Aku baca pun aku rasa marah.
oh god. I'd prolly be in this superbitchfest mode if I have to deal with that roommie. yucks.
i love hotel rooms tho. love love loooveee it!
tim: bagi kau dan aku. bukan bagi dia. tudung yang tak berkedut adalah contoh perkara besar bagi dia. bukan lantai tandas yang kering.
ultimatecass: i love them hotel rooms too. unfortunately, nowadays i could only afford backpackers hostels when i travel. dismay.
hahahaha ..
masih segar lagi ingatan ni tentang peristiwa gelas & gigi palsu di satu bathroom suatu mase dulu ..
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