on karma

i made a list, a la earl hickey, on bad things i have done unto people couple of months back.
i didn't get far, stopped around number 30 because i got scared
scared at how evil i actually am and how the hell am i gonna make up for the 29 things i've done.

do i believe in karma?
sure i do. good things happen to good people (and shiren happens to bad people. har har har. sorry. private joke)
when bad things happend to me, i know i deserved it somehow and would just braved it through.
but funnily enough, everytime something good happens, i dont really feel its happening cause i deserve it. more like its happening because i got lucky.

which would either tell you, a) good things dont often happen to me or b) im a ungrateful selfish bitch.

back to my list, yeah, it scared me shitless. i know i've done some things im not proud of but being confronted in writings (and numbered!) made it so much more, i dont know, eerie.

question: how bad it really is?
im not gonna post the list here (i like to live longer than 22). i'd maybe share a couple of the (lesser evil) misdeeds. like number 12, sheared off cousin's doll hair in 1990.

question: make things right?
i dunno. some of the things i did were pretty severe (am too gutless to own up) and some were done unto general population i.e total strangers (how the heck am i gonna find the dude i shortchanged 10 bucks in 2001?) im a pathetic coward, what can i say?

question: so now what?
be a better human.
start treating people better.
count my blessings now.
stop watching 'my name is earl'.
think more about things i'm doing and the consequences.
burn the damn list.
grow a bloody spine and start owning up.

karma, it makes you loopy.

on happier notes, meeting old friends this weekend, redoing the garden (shrub shopping! yay), a craft fair and the WORLD CUP to look forward to. sweet!
FORZA ITALIA!
(discreet cheer: allez france!)
wink wink.
have a good one people.