I really did.

"No, I have nothing against you personally. I just generally hate stupid people,"

post removed because apparently i have people reading this blog and reporting its content to my mom. low blow people. you pussies.

so instead,
HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE.

i don't celebrate new year, never have.
i stayed at home and had a radical BBQ session with (traitor) cousins, ignoring the time and watching star wars together while making raspberries everytime anakin skywalker say something predictable and obi wan hangs precariously over a ledge. yawn.

only realised that it was past midnight 3 hours after that.

how slow is your net connection?
mine is just neanderthally criminal.

Wet, rainy mornings

I love wet, rainy mornings. Its the best. Even on a Tuesday, which means I have to get up early and get to work instead of huddling beneath my blanket in bed, I still love rainy mornings.
Even when I only washed the car two days ago and now I have to wash it again because of the rain, I still dont mind its raining this morning.
Even when the trafffic got so bad for no apparent reason, I love watching the the rain drops on the windshield.
Even when it means getting to the office an hour late, I still love rainy, cloudy mornings.
Even when the parking lot is all muddy and swampy and I have to park in a puddle of of water, I still love rain in the mornings.
Even when the short walk to the office means getting my shoes dirty and wet, I really do love rainy mornings.
Even when the breakfast lady forgot to reserve my usual breakfast, I love wet mornings.
Even when I see my in-tray is overloading with pending work, I still love this rainy morning.
I wish everyday starts with a rainy morning.

bali report numero deux

since kaydotte asked for it. here are more pictures of me, me, me!
enjoy my impression of a tub of lard throughout the whole trip.


orange hat + pink shirt + yellow sarong + blue shirt + green sarong = absolute fashion no-no
the mother temple at besakih






balinese women with stuff on their head.

















getting myself a third degree sunburn at tanah lot













at the pulau penyu hatchery. lord, bali was hot. observe the greasy overall complexion thanks to repeated slathering of sunblock.


shiren at our hotel's beach in kuta. we were sunset watching. 2 people on a trip means i-take-your-picture-or-you-take-mine all the way. unless we could catch an innocent bystander to take our picture. you know how it goes.




food for the gods. the ulun danu temple were in the midst of preparing for some festival. lotsa food involved. im sure there's a babi guling in one of these trays somewhere.

previous post

gambar tak keluar eh?

bali report.

MY TRIP TO BALI 2006

day one
arrive and checked in pretty hotel.
distance walked : 4 miles.
stuff bought : one dress and old school bottle of coke.
areas covered : seminyak to legian, the beachside route.
note : was feeling highly adventourous cause we had no idea where we were really going. bali was hot.

we were obviously high on something.

day two
full day tour by tour agent.
activities (in sequence) : barong dance, sightseeing, spa.
transport : minivan.
areas covered : tanjung benoa, turtle island, (celuk, mas, batubulan) ubud, jimbaran, kuta town.
highlight of day : full balinese massage and spa treatment worth RM100 at a swanky bali spa.
numbers of animals touched : 3 leatherback turtles, 1 humongous bird, 1 owl, 1 monitor lizard, 1 boa constrictor.
note : bali was still hot.
postcard sent home : 1

barong dance

edgar, the baby turtle

day three
full day tour by tour agent.
activities (in sequence) : sightseeing, light shopping, sunset gazing.
transport : minivan
areas covered : taman ayun in mengwi, ulun danu in bedugul, tanah lot, kuta-legian.
great discovery of the day : the ultimate awesomeness of teh botol sosro.
phobias : one (altophobia on top of the mengwi bell tower)
most memorable line : "if the snake eats you? dude, that would have to be one ambitious snake to want to eat you. nothing is that ambitious," to shiren as a huge boa slithered pass her to get to its getaway mini cooper parked outside the tanah lot temple.
day downer : when the magical tanah lot sunset was a no-show.
stuff bought : mirrors, suncathers, windchimes.
recurring joke : 1, cookie monster and her edible husband. 2, terrible touristy stuff to wear.
postcard sent home : 1
note : bali was freaking hot.

mengwi
tanah lot temple

ulun danu.

floating temple, ulun danu

view from our lunch table

sunset at tanah lot

day four
customized tour.
transport : chartered taxi that comes with its own manic driver.
areas covered : kertagosa, pura besakih, tirta empul at tampak siring, kemulu for goa gajah, seminyak, kuta-legian.
teh botol consumed : 2.
great discovery of the day : kick-ass nasi padang shop 1 and half hour hike from the hotel.
postcards sent home : 1.
things learnt from day's trip : 1, stuff that would take you to hell. 2, what happens once you're in hell. 3, why you wouldn't want to go to hell.
distance walked : 3 km (1 km uphill power-walk in besakih)
number of communal sarongs worn to cover legs : 3.
extracurricular activities : hot hunks ogling while pretending to watch sunset at the beach.
note : bali was still hot.

kertagosa 'how to get to heaven' guide.

shiren at besakih.

lake bratan, en route to kemulu.

day five
shopping
activities : shopping.
areas covered : sukawati shopping markets. kuta-legian.
stuff bought : a whole effing trunkful.
teh botol consumed : 1.
transport : previous day's taxi with the same lunatic driver.
dent in bank account : collosal.
note : bali. hot. nuff said

no shopping pictures. sorry.

day six
more shopping. lazing around the pool.
areas covered : kumbasari market at denpasar. kuta-legian.
stuff bought : semi trunkful of stuff at kumbasari, tshirt galore at the matahari store in kuta.
dilemma of the day : bringing all the stuff we bought home.
teh botol consumed : 3.
cute hunk ogled: 1 (dubbed 'the everywhere guy' complete with six packs and well-toned biceps. swoon)
note : oh yes, bali was just as hot.

me doing 'lazing' extremely well.

i just ran outta good pictures.

day seven
home.
most memorable line of the day : "i never stress," from obnoxiously loud guy to his unfortunate breakfast table neighbour as they were loudly discussing the finer points of living a pointless life.
note : bali was still awesomely hot.

im outta here

where you'd be tomorrow..

where I'll be..

today is..

..the kind of day you wake up holding your head and desperately wish for the brass band in your head to go away. (hungover from the alcohol-free festivities last night)

..the kind of day you're considering taking a day off from work so that you could go back to sleep and not take a bath. (but i cant cause i've finished all my days off for my trip to bali)

..the kind of day that you want to dress all in black for office. (but only my blue top didnt require ironing so im wearing it instead of my mourning garbs)

..the kind of day that regardless what time you leave home, you'd still be stuck in traffic and be 20 minutes late to work.

..the kind of day that you feel so disjointed and removed from the rest of the world.

..the kind of day all you feel like doing is stare at your monitor and stare at you in-tray and stare at your new emails with no concious will to do anything.

..the kind of day that you want to listen only to the slower U2 songs on loop. (bono is king)

..the kind of day when you look in disgust at the exclaimation mark on the left hand corner of your keyboard. (cause nothing-exclaimation-marked could be used to describe anything-you right now)

..the kind of day when you need take out your emergency giant bar of toblerone white chocolate.

..the kind of day that even putting on lip balm requires effort and you realised you overdued for a mani/pedicure and a hair trim and your skin is dry. (thank goodness i have no client to meet today)

..the kind of day that the only text messages you received since morning is a bank notification and a request for a RM300 loan from an obscure friend. (fuck off, both of you. just fuck the hell off)

..the kind of day you call MONDAY bloody MONDAY. aah, bugger.

idiot

i have an idiot for a sister.
everyday i travel to and from work with this idiot.
today, the idiot decided she wants to go to the mall after office hours.
eventhough i hate shopping with her, i told her i'd tag along.
just now i called idiot to tell her i left my phone at home.
she told me she is not taking me with her to the mall cause fetching me from my office is out of her way to the mall.
i said, tough.
she said i should take the bus to her office and go to the mall from there.
i told her that is crazy cause buses here are swamped after work hours.
she then told me to wait at the office until after she finish shopping, then she'd come and fetch me.
i called abah and told him whats going on.
he told me to tell her to fetch me and that's it.
i told her that.
she said, she'd see first.

i hate idiot.
she's such a retard.

6 movies, 2 days, 1 me.

Jarhead
Based on former Marine Anthony Swofford's best-selling 2003 book about his pre-Desert Storm experiences in Saudi Arabia and about his experiences fighting in Kuwait: end quote.

Brilliant movie. Utterly, beautifully, simply brilliant. Watching this movie, you forget all about who's acting (Gyllenhaal and Foxx were the most recognizable. Kudos.) The movie is so realistic, there's nothing to not to like. Beautiful camera works. Fantastic sequencing. It's all so believable. This is a movie that would make you laugh and observe and cringe and educate. This is a movie, so effective in telling it's story, that would make you think. The best thing I could say about this movie is that: it is an original. The director managed to put aside all political persuasion (it is about the oil war in the Middle East) and presents merely the very sentiments of war. This movie emotes. The futility, the cluelessness, the injustice, the treasures, the hopelessness, the frustration, the truth, the ugly, the stupidity, the manipulation, the human.
Go watch. Even if war movies is not your cup of half decaf, vanilla soy milk, dry latte; go watch. I'm so serious.

The Marine
Starring John Cena, the K-Fed of wrestling minus the trailer park wife. That on its own should have told you all you can expect from this sorry piece of crap. Remember Hulk Hogan's movie career? What movie career? Exactly.
But after The Rock, I was foolishly inflicted by temporary lapse of optimism. And thinking that since Cena is the most popular WWE champion after The Rock, I said, why not?
Thus I observed the total wreckage that is The Marine. A grisly attempt at recreating the glory days when Van Damme and Seagal was king, I spent most of the time shuddering at the weak plot line and lame dialogs to snorting at the cliche action sequence and pathetic, pathetic ending.
Cena is a hotshot marine, fresh from protecting Bush's investment in Iraq. Came home to a pretty, blond wife-bot. They are happy. Cena would be happier if he has a job. He messed up first day of work and got fired for being a good guy. Cruel world. Wife-bot and Cena decided to take a break (from what?) and stumbled across the merry band of ruthless, merciless but always ready with a witty one-liner, diamond thieves. In true desperate attempt to establish a plot (or to find a reason for Cena to document his wrestling moves and take off his clothes) wife-bot got stolen by baddies, Cena goes in hot pursuit; utilising all the skills he learnt from being a marine, how fortunate.
I was a comatosed (mutant lobster) zombie 5minutes into this horror spawn but prevailed so that I could personally deliver a precise, concise report to my little brother about how his (my brother's) wrestling idol inaugural acting foray is : He sucked dude, big time. He effing sucked. Woot.
Verdict: Oscar bait, this. Cena is the next James Dean, you mark my word.

Click

I was severely Walken-deprived. Last I saw him was in Stepford Wives, where he was most ultimately awesome as usual. Click is an acceptable source to end my Walken drought. For the time being. I enjoyed this movie. Sandler is coming back from his 'what the fuck is he doing?' aberration for doing Spanglish. He's not Happy Gilmore-Billy Madison back back, but at least he's at the right wing of the airport.
101 guide to watching a Sandler: disarm your brain. Click was a light-brained-hearted affair for me. I watch, I was entertained, I moved on. Do not expect any grey matter revelation from this movie. It's decently funny and amusing, at the same time doing it's community service through the moral of the story.
Click is about Sandler who was given an universal remote control by the most excellent Walken, ended up missing most of his life because he fast forwarded all the bad things he rather avoid (which at the end appeared to be the good things instead) It's an original Sandler movie, meaning that it has a) Sandler being childishly mean to obnoxious little 5 year olds b) Sandler being a well-meaning but misguided family man. Loving to his kids and parents. c) Sandler is normal but surrounded by some weird shits of friends/employer/employees d) Sandler scoring the hot cicadas (lush locks Kate Bekingsale plays wife in Click. Smoking) e) a happy ending.
The cast also includes David 'The Hoff' Hasselhoff, Rachel 'SNL' Dratch, Harry 'Fonzy' Winkler and Sean 'Frodo's Sam' Astin. Solid comedy cast, made the movie more watchable, methinks.
Made me realised how OLD I am though, the couple has 2 kids and their theme song is Linger by the Cranberries. I sang that song in high school, I mean, it cant be an oldie already. Surely.
The moral of the movie : Watch the movie and don't forget to love and cherish your family afterwards. Or shag a toy duck. Whichever.

note : My all time Walken favorites to recommend (with my out of 10 ratings). The Prophecy (10), True Romance(9), Biloxi Blues(9), Pulp Fiction(7), The Deer Hunter(8) and The Rundown (6). And of course, the Fat Boy Slim vid clip (10).

Underworld Revolution
I barely watched the first installment, I'm glad to say the same about the second. I don't like this movie because

1. Bekingsale was in a similar, suckier movie not too long ago. I cant be bothered to remember the title, Wolverine was in it. They both blow.
2. No hot guys. Nope, Michael didn't cut it. He wasn't even hypothermically warm.
3. The old, great, original Vampire and Lycan wasn't all that. Even their sire was a pussy. Take away the awe factor of the old families in vampire slash werewolf movies and all you have left is mutant pets on a rampage stories.
4. The final fight scene was not long enough, not gory enough, not CGI-ed enough, not multi-martial arted enough, not violent, not anything enough.
   
5. There was zero chemistry between the couple. They could have been siblings. So if you're into incest, which I'm not.

But I especially love the part where Michael kills the lycans by ripping their jaws off. Extremely graphic. Well done. And how hot is Kate's body in vinyl? Scorching. Her hair is a big, boring, tangled no-no but awesome body.

John Tucker Must Die
Oh yes. I'm very indiscriminate in my movie options. Remember all the high school flicks: She's All That, 10 Things, American Pie, the more recent Mean Girls, etc etc - all the movies you swore you don't watch but you could sing along to their theme songs lyrics? Yeah, those. Here's another.
Starring Jesse Metcalf (mostly shirtless, how suprising), Ashanti, Sophie Bush and some other less known actors (less known for a reason, apparently).
Plot: Popular guy cheats on high school theme-Barbies, Barbies get together to get even, justice is served. Insert several random teen movies cliches (e.g. unpopular girl make-over into Glam Queen, creepy, misunderstood, artsy but diggable 'other boy' for girl to fall in love later, major high school sports event, most popular boy effortlessly to fall in love with the girl as soon as she got made-over, synchronized dance performance, no real life responsibility like homework or curfew or classes to attend, plan backfiring when girl falls in love with the inner side of boy she discovers, big party slash prom scene climax). Yawn.
I cant stop thinking that for a high school movie, the collective age of the main casts is like, 310 years old. Boring and lame. No suprise there. Oh, Jenna Jameson also stars, she's an android, right?

V for Vandetta.
Its shocking how severely outdated I am in joining the rest of the free world in watching this great movie. I absolutely adore this movie. V cooking in the red, frilly apron is priceless. Oh my lord Elrond of Rivendell, you had me at "Mister Anderson," .. now you have me forever.
Trivia : The forehead space between V and Evey (and me) amounts to the square meters of Amazon jungle being destroyed annually by illegal logging. It's true. Check it out.

so what?

I have this ongoing game with some of my buddies. We would ask rhetorical questions to each other, hoping to entertain ourselves (oh yes, we are exciting people like that :P) questions like, 'if you found your boyfriend in bed with Brad Pitt, would you think you could pass the photo op?' (hell no, could you get Maddox too?) or nonsensical stuff like 'if your bicycle could paddle backwards, do you think you'd exercise more?' (probably not)

so last night was an especially heated discussion answering the age-old question: what would you save first if your house is on fire?

1. My story books.
2. All my earrings.
3. The scrabble and boggle set.
4. My new BS lipstick.
5. My LOTR extended version DVD collection.

I'm sure my family can save themselves and the house pet are instinctual survivors. Everything else is replaceable, surely. I clearly would save the most important things that are essence of my being. And I have hopes of of making the scrabble/boggle set hereditary.

What?
Selfish, me?
No way.
Frightening shallow perhaps.
Never selfish.
You just have no idea how hard it is for me to find that very shade of lipstick.
snort.

the raya grinch *updated*

i really cant stand raya jingles.
i hate all the festive songs people seems to play everywhere.
once, i walked out of a store just because the raya they were playing were grating on my nerves.
i hate all the fuss about food to break fast with.
i hate all the fuss about celebrating raya.
i cant stand the chores and workloads i have to do preparing the house for raya.
i hate being in the kitchen cooking for raya.
i hate the food planning, the decoration planning, the clothes planning, the visitation planning.
i hate people coming over for raya.
i hate going over peoples place for raya.
i cant stand cousins looking at you and comparing your raya outfits price.
i hate it when relatives look at you and comment on your current weight gain.
i hate the packing and the rush of long distance journeys for raya.
i hate the same boring food and kuih everyone serves.
i hate the pitiful look aunts give me when they found im still single.
i utterly despise the pathetic matchmaking efforts.
i hate the emotional blackmail involves in inviting friends over or friends inviting you over.
i hate seeing how much older everyone gets year after year.
i hate watching the obvious inbred duit-raya greed parents nuture their kids with.


i hate raya.
im hating this raya. i shall hate the next one.

.:. feeling petulant, jaded, cynical, bitchy, bitter and bored. this feeling would pass.

.:. *update* feeling hasnt pass. more cousins coming this weekend. im buying a uzi.
how was your raya people?

identifying with the bad guy

its but human nature to root for the underdog. and more often than not, the person against the underdogs will be the bad guy. no one cheered when appollo creed kicked rocky's ass in the first movie, say what you want, but everyone was rooting for rocky. given, we were presented with little choice, we were only showed the grit, perseverence and determination rocky possesed, the morning jog, the endless sparring, the sacrifices, the setdowns. and it's how it is supposed to be. the good prevails over evil, everytime. you are not supposed to cheer for the bad guys. you are supposed to be on rocky's side (maybe on appollo's in the later rocky movies - only cause he was a good guy then), you can admire darth vader all you want but it was only right for luke to triumph in the end, hansel and gretel pushed the evil witch in the oven, hitler died a painful death in a ditch covered in petrol and the big, bad wolf was rightfully killed by the woodcutter.

so, what do you make of yourself when you suddenly find yourself on the wolf's side?

hitler deserves to die but who the hell does hansel and gretel think they are to come and eat people's houses and later shoved them in an oven? surely, it was justified when the witch decided to eat them as punishment to damaging her lovely house. its her house, when people come and started eating at your house you are allowed to get mad. and being an evil witch means you have a reputation to uphold. eating those little brats were the least she could do as punitive damage. would it make any difference if appollo was up against a more prosperous opponent? the creed-balboa fight was only great because it was an underdog versus an established fighter match. creed was at where he was because he deserved it. he faught for it, he worked at it, he was the champ because he beat everyone else. then came this dude, impressing everyone with his cool jogging theme song, all set to overcome creed and noone gave any thought at all about creed's hard effort. not having a theme song doesnt a bad guy maketh you. vader made a choice, he has obviously seen both sides and he made a choice and stood by it. surely something like that deserves a thought. there was only so much misusing 'the force' could have helped him in achieving that level of greatness. surely most of it was his own personal effort. and if little red riding hood was stupid enough at first to mistaken a wolf with her grandma, then the friggin girl deserves to be eaten. for a wolf, an animal, to be able to dupe the homo sapien grandmother and the stupid girl is to be commended not jeered.

im not worried that i might be a closet evil witch with a big oven.
im just sick at the world being bias and unfair.
take off your rose tinted glasses and observe all these shades of grey.
try a different perspective even if it hurts.
and maybe sometime give the bad guy a chance.

when raya pokes you in the eye

Company's Buka Puasa At KLCC Convention Center
Apparently its an anual company thing. The holding would have this super grand buka puasa ceremony inviting all the Datuks and Datins and Tan Sris and anak yatim and the staff's family member. Big shinding. Tun Mahatdir couldnt make it this year (no shit) but usually he'd make an appearance. I was persuaded by a comittee member colleague to help out with ushering people since I'm not married and going to the party stag (sure, rub it in, why dont ya)

I fell in love with the super cute kids from the homes we invited. About 6 homes were invited and there was around 400 of them. Age range from 5 to 17. And the little ones were sooOOooo cute. I ended up spending the whole night with them and my table members ended up not seeing me at all the whole night. I fetched ice creams, wiped mouths, helped cut chickens, talked about school with the older ones, talked about the merits of break fasting at hotels with the teachers, pulled chairs, pushed chairs, cut more food, fetched more ice creams, showed them the seating arrangement diagram all the AJKs have (the diagram has pretty colors on it), explained about my bosses, fixed crooked tudungs and songkok, helped get the too-high-to-reach fruits, wiped snot, talked about the grossness of boys with form 2 girls, talked about UPSR, headed delegations to the toilet, learnt names, kissed goodbye more chubby cheeks i could count, hugged more small bodies than ever, wished everyone selamat hari raya and had the single, most rewarding night in my life.

My heart broke when 5-years old Atikah tugged my sleeve and whispered the question "Akak, akak dah ade anak?" No. "Akak nak tak anak?"

I went home at 10, with blisters on my sole the size and shape of Northen Ireland (who woulda guessed, wearing 3 inch stilletoes while running after energetic, young kids is not really wise?)

I manage to meet and (briefly) greet only 7 of the 26 Very Important Clients and Connection my company invited. As a marketing personnel, I'm a disgrace.

Woke up this morning feeling quite invisible. Nailed my presentation (the amout of self confidence was ridiculous, no one has any question to ask afterwards, I think I scared them), 2 of the homes called our company and thanked our liason officer with a special mention to thank me, by name. And my CFO took me in for a research on a new project. Got my raya bonus (as puny as it is).

I think I grew up a bit last night.

Now I'm off to scream at my own brother.


In The Spirit of Raya
This would be the first raya to I'm supposed to hand out the green packets, since I'm already working and all. I have made up a list of eligible receipients and sure as hell, it's quite long. I have mandated that I'm only giving to underage, primary schoolers cousins and children to cousins. The first group (which is quite small since my mom is the youngest of her family and my dad married quite late) would received from their beloved Kak Ila the grand amount of RM5.00! Booyah. The second group would prolly get from their Kak Ila (I'd kill anyone who'd call me Mak Ila or Mak We or Mak-anything. Cold blood murder them) RM2.00 cause there's like, 3000 of them. My cousins, they breed like rabbits!
Else, it'd depend on how much their mom or dad used to give me when I was younger. Heh.

I'm also starting my raya mailing list. The companys card is really pretty and I can definitely afford stamp costs. So, if you want me to send you one, mail me your add.

Kum and Atie, I do overseas mailing too.

In the DisSpirit of Raya
I have the whole raya week off. No idea what I'm gonna do with it. Not really looking forward to Eid. I stopped being happy eversince I was too old to get duit raya and old enough to be stuck in the kitchen cooking and cleaning and cooking and cleaning for the hordes of people who'd come to the house. None of them being my guests. Dispite the claim my mom would (annually) make about how she'd never have an open house event thingy. Because instead, she'd have several open house events thingies. And I'd be helping with the cooking and cleaning and cooking and cleaning and cooking and cleaning. It sucks to be me during raya. It really does.

OCD me?

observe this little incident: was out with shiren yesterday. since she was driving, she dumped her stuff on my lap. one of her stuff being a cardigan. so we were rolling and talking in the car, i subconciously started buttoning up her cardigan. noticing that, sherwin, who was in the back seat yelped, "eee, so OCD." to which shiren said, "no way man, shes a slob." and i would normally concur with the later comment. but this is the 4th time people has said that im a little OCD. so now i wonder.

regardless what shiren said, she and i both know that im not a slob, per say. im sufficiently clean, hygenic, neat, BO free and occasionally messy. what (little) i know of OCD is what Monk is like, and im happy to think that im nowhere like that freak.

but i do have certain quirks, that when i think about it, is a little erm, off. i have always thought that i am a little anal but surely being anal retentive is not even in the same ballpark as being OCD, no?

i iron my bedsheets and pillowcases before i put them on. i flip and rotate my mattress every 6 months. i colorcode my wardrobe (this is where i scare people off), i colorcode my earrings collection, i colorcode my toolbar icons, i colorcode my browser bookmarks, i have certain towel sets to be used with certain matching linens. i label and organize all my photo albums and file folders. i have tendency to clean my toilets at ridiculous hours (think 2am), i hang the laundry according to colors. i always have a 'to-do' and 'to buy' list, i make up the bed before going to bed. i keep all my receipts and log them, i always clean the little nooks and crannies. i cant sleep unless i bathed right before. i used to colorcode my shoes and loose wires drives me nuts. i programmed and actually use my speed dials.

on the other hand,
my whole room is swamped by books everywhere, my undies drawer is never organized, i still cant find my harry connick jr CD in the midst of my CDs melee, i am well known to forget about my asignments and projects, i have lapses of time when my room would be in total chaos (i call it my 'bilik dilanda garuda' time), i have post it notes all over my room, i wear turqoise heels with purple dress. i cant iron a pant correctly.


what do you think; OCD, anal retentive, neat freak or just everyday slob?

nursery ryhmes

My mom read to me and my sister a lot when we were small. She said, she started reading to us when we were 2 weeks old. I memorized a few of my nursery stories and this is one of my favorite. it is titled; DEAR ZOO. (the below is recited word-perfect completely from memory)

Dear Zoo.

I wrote to the zoo to send me a pet.

And they sent me a ... Giraffe!
He was too tall, I sent him back.

So they sent me a ... Camel!
He was too grumpy, I sent him back.

So they sent me a ... Monkey!
He was too naughty, I sent him back.

So they sent me a ... Lion!
He was too fierce, I sent him back.

So they sent me a ... Snake!
He was too scary, I sent him back.

So they thought very hard and sent me a ... Puppy!
He was perfect.
I kept him.

THE END.

We still have the book, somewhere. Imagine bright pictures and creative sounds effects, I'm sure you can see how tantalizing this book was.

Stay tune for the next exciting installment of ~~NURSERY RHYMES! Next episode: Chicken Licken.

Woot!

the serial job candidate

a serial candidate has her own job.
she claims to be unhappy with her current job and is actively looking for new positions elsewhere.
a serial candidate has an updated account with one or more online job recruitment service.
she would check job vacancies postings at least once a week.
she would generally accept jobs within her field or maybe some other field she's interested in.
if she would get a phone call replying her application, she would set up a date for an interview.
she would go to the interview.
she would be sucessful and be called for a second interview.
she would go for the second interview.
she would ace the second interview too.
she would get the job.
after being offered job, she would say that she needs some time to decide and would call back to let them know her decision.
she would decline the offer.
she would come up with a (lame)rationale for declining the offer.
she would check her email and apply for more jobs within her field or some other jobs she has always wanted to do.
she would be called for an interview.
she would go to the interview.
she would be sucessful and be called for a second interview.
she would ace the second interview too.
she would get the job.
after being offered job, she would say that she needs some time to decide and would call back to let them know her decision.
she would come up with a (lame)rationale for declining the offer.
she would decline the offer.
she would check her email and apply for more jobs within her field or some other jobs she has always wanted to do...

Monday Grrr

i have the misfortune of experiencing firsthand the 'all new, super improved service' TMNet is providing its loyal streamyx customers these past few months.

I took the broadband package that includes a modem rental from the telecom giant. I didn't mind the super chekkai 'Made In China' modem they provided all for an additional RM5 a month on top of the monthly fee, I was just excited to upgrade my dial-up internet. But to nobody's suprise, after 3 months of mild usage, the on-button of the modem fell off. That's my first Grrr. I tried taking it apart but the problem with the switch was beyond my Kemahiran Hidup Tingkatan 3 skills. The modem was now rendered completely useless, no net connection yet I'm charged for my monthly broadband bill and modem rental as usual.

So I called the Service Center number asking how do I proceed with the situation. I was told that an assigned technician would come and replace it in the comfort of my own home. I was given a report number and asked to wait 2 or 3 working days for the appropriate party to make their contact. Sure enough, the next day I've got a miscall on my mobile from the tech people. After the initial failed attempt at contacting me, there were none other. I tried calling them about 5 times after that yet my calls were never answered.

So, after 2 weeks of waiting for someone to call me or pick up my calls (both to no avail), I called the Service Center again (by then I've tatooed the number to my arm). This time, I was assigned another report number and was again given the same crap telling me to wait for the technical people to call me in couple of days. Being the angel that I (really) am, I decided to give them a second chance to impress me. I waited.

That was exactly 2 weeks ago today. With no calls from anyone, I called, yet again, the loathsome Service Center number on my arm. Temper running short I spoke to this retarded incompetent Malay girl who cant string 2 sentences together and for some odd reason, called me Vivian. I gave the the report number and told her my predicament. She put me on hold for 15 minutes only to tell me later that the technical people has been informed and I should wait for 2 or 3 days. I've been somewhat civil up to this point.

I told (snapped) her that I'm not falling for that line of devious, scheming lies again, why the fuck no one has called me these past weeks?

She then told me (after putting me on hold for 10 mins) very accurately, that on 11th September 2006, at 4.45pm a technician did call me but I didn't pick up the phone. So they didnt bother trying again.
Very well. So, now that I have to submit my patient, tolerant, understanding ass for another go at the 2/3 days contact period, could you at least, this time, give me a contact number of the technical party.

(Put me on hold for 12 minutes)
Malay TMNet girl : Erm, you can call the Service Center number if they dont contact you after 2 or 3 days.
Me : Whats the number? (thinking maybe there's a direct line I can call)
Malay TMNet girl : Hold on.

(Put me on hold for 7 minutes)
Malay TMNet girl : Miss Vivivan, its 1300 88 9515.
Me : Wait, thats the number I called to get you.
Malay TMNet girl : Erm, yes.
Me : I want the technician's number.
Malay TMNet girl : You wait. In 2, 3 days, they'll call you.
Me : I KNOW. But seems that I've been missing their calls so this time I want a number I can call if that happens again. Give me a contact number.
Malay TMNet girl : Hold on.

(Put me on hold for 10 minutes)
Malay TMNet girl : I dont know the number. You have to wait 2 or 3 days.
Me : Whats your name?
Malay TMNet girl : Yana.
Me : Is your supervisor there? I want to talk to your supervisor.
Yana : He's on the other line.
Me : What's his name?
Yana : His name? My supervisor's name?
Me : Yes. I want to know the name of your supervisor.
Yana : Hold on.

(Put me on damned hold for 27 minutes!)
Yana : Miss Vivian, you can call this number 036137XXXX and arrange for an appointment with the technician about replacing your modem.
Me : At long fucking last. Thank you.
Yana: Is there anything else I can help you with (I've recognized this as the ayat-wajib for all disService Center calls)
Me : You better fucking hope not.
Yana : Bye.

I called the number and they're coming tomorrow.

And who on earth is Vivian anyway?

driving me, driving you

more adjectives to be associated with my driving
careening, disjointed, reeling

more stuff i've done since i started driving
flipped a birdie to another (retarded) driver. 140 kmph. tapped a merz's bumper trying to park. turned the volume up so loud that a motorist next to the car grooved along to the beat. talked to the phone while driving. drove back home from klcc under 15 minutes.

stuff i've yet to do
take a corner on 2 wheels.

post birthday post

yeah. my birthday rocked.
had a fantabulous birthday.
thanks.
23? me, 23? no way, i stop aging at 20. im forever 20. my age shall always be 20 from now on, ok?

look at me in front of the blue screen.
did u ever secretly wish you could
make goofy poses when sitting for your IC piccies?
hah.
i could and i did.
yerp, thats me posing for my a passport picture.
pretty funky eh?

as if.

the pic was a goof-off snap from a myKad picture research my company is doing.
i get to be the 'model with average skin color'.
theyre trying to figure out ways to get better automated photos for myKad.
and since my company owns myKad, we get to do these researches.
tra la la.

birthday post

too fast too furious too bloody boring tokyo drift(ing to sleep)
have you seen this lame excuse for a movie?
other than a cameo by vin diesel at the very end, its a disgrace to the celluloid its been filmed on.
just make some stuff clear; the girl looks nothing like shiren. unless she fancies herself as a square-jawed, lollipop-head, cant act to chew gum, piece of movie floss. do you, fred?
she was totally unnecessary to the plot. i am ashamed to share the same name as her, even just phonetically. (Neela vs Neila)
the lead actor sucks, surely theres some height requirement to star in a movie, surely he's too short.
the car/chase sequence are old and suprisingly uninteresting.
serves me right to expect anything outta a movie like this. a sequel to a sequel, to boot.
but to defend myself, the first installment of this franchaise was at least entertaining.
and i didnt hate the second one as much. both prior movies with their elaborate car chase sequence at least didnt bore me to tears, asamatteroffact, i was looking forward to their distinctive super-cars on the road, massively digitized kejar mengejar car stunts.
of which tokyo drift failed miserably to deliver.
other than the vegas flashy cars that they continously wrecked, this third movie has piss-weak plots. i mean, japanese mobs? oi pleasela. the stench of burnt rubber emanates strongly throughout the whole movie.
a waste of (company) bandwidth and (company) laptop memory space.

in memory; Steve 'The Crocodile Hunter' Irwin
http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/09/04/australia.irwin/index.html
dead at 44. there was a joke that went on last year that he died too. apparently this time its for real (CNN says so, so surely). he was stung by a stingray and is survived by wife terri, daughter bindi and baby bob. i am explicitly sadden by this news. his death means a lot more than a loss of a great australia naturalist and an adorable father to his kids, but i frankly admired the work he's done for the animals and above all stood in awe of his apparent love and the connections he shares with all animals. one can only dream of being that gifted.
however, i do realised this would be the way Steve-O would want to go. for someone of this greatness, to die in such a way is somewhat fitting, if not ironic. made me think that if i would die falling down after slipping on scrabble tiles and fracturing my skull on the book rack. but he died doing what he loves and not everyone can have that. here's to the incomparable Crocodile Hunter!

the day i was literally afraid for my life
i was on closing shift at starbucks last merdeka eve and i believe had my first brush with death. the store, being located between bukit bintang and klcc was swarmed by (malay) teenagers out to celebrate merdeka as early as 8pm. the standard chartered building my starbucks is at boasts of a courtyard with fountains and that night the whole courtyard was completely populated by kids of questionable moral. i assume this (their moral) from their colorful garbs and hair-do as well from their conduct that said night (looks like a duck, acts like a duck, runs with other ducks, must be a duck).

although the store business hours are to 9pm, another more street-savvy barista was wise enough to lock the doors leading to the courtyard as early as 730pm; which basically saved our lives. as the crowd grew more rowdy from the booze they were clearly chugging and glue they were clearly snorting, i lost count to the number of time they actually came up to the door and roughly rattle the handle, screaming to be let in. and later screaming at us (who is in plain sight thanks to the glass walls. snort) to let them buy drinks. i was scared, yet strangely entranced by watching the (mis)behavior of my country's proud, blessed younger generation, out to celebrate the independence of their country.

since it was the end of the month, the managers need to do some auditing that requires us to stay back a bit late. the partners switched off the store's light and watch the fiesta continues outside the door.

there was a guy in a kilt, with an elaborate punk spiked hair. unfortunately, it wasnt a kilt-kilt like the braveheart kilt. what he had on was a skirt, in checked pattern. wonder if he knew that. there was more than one girl wearing tudung smoking and drinking and snorting and being sexually liberated with their boyfriend. one was even liberated of her bra (yes, all this in plain sight)
i watched first hand as a drug of indeterminate name was being sold to a boy who looks no younger than my older brother. i was told it was possibly Ecstasy. i watched how two skimpily clad goth girls bought 3 large bottles of whisky from the nearby 7-11 and transferred it into separate bottles of Coke or Sprite for friends to drinks. i guess they were kind enough to buy everyone a round and apparently you can get arrested if the cops catch you holding a bottle of alcoholic beverage hence the dupe pop bottles. even with zero personal knowledge of booze drinking i know that it was some hardcore drinking going on, since everyone was chugging on the drinks straight up and admirably able to hold it.

around 10, the barista boys decided to step out for a smoke. i stayed in my observatory spot behind the counter as they unlocked the front door and sat on the stacked chairs nearby to smoke. 1 minute later i saw a group of punk/goth kids striding up to the door and i seriously panicked cause i cant remember if the barista boys locked the door after them when they went out. shit. i already figured that i would run upstairs to the managers office, lock the door and escape via the air vents a la prison break riot if the punks come in and riot.
thankfully the barista boys did lock the door. whew. didnt stop from the punk kids to gegar gegar the door a couple of times and screamed at the door though. retards.

later, i watched as a gang fight broke out between the groups. i turned violent when some guys started chasing some other guys with belts and punching each other. i saw a guy stumbled and fell, his friend picked him up and lay him next to the fountain. we thought he was high on drugs and perhaps ODing. i was all, "is he dead? is he dead? he's dead?" but unfortunately he was just wounded from the fight and the friend was there administering druggie first aid (take bandanna, soak in stagnant fountain water, wipe blood from friend with wet bandanna) he injured guy was up and running aroung in no time.

i left soon after (the building's security guards escorted us to the car park) but i was thoroughly entertained watching kids get high, get drunk, get sick, get laid, get beaten, get creative and get enterprising all in one night. and all in the name of 'menyambut kemerdekaan negara yang ke-49'

license to drive
am getting a hang of driving pretty well. i've drove at night, during a storm, paid my very first toll, ran 2 red lights already and got a summon for illegal parking. proud. even went all the way to KLCC for a wedding last sunday all by my happy self. yay for me. but everytime i take a corner or a bend the only thing that came to mind is "hurtling". but its all good. that red P sign on the shield means i get to drive like a maniac and take a bend at 50 kmph. muahahahaha.

happy birthday!
yay to me! am 23 today. thanks for the wishes. i cant believe im this old (and still single, fat and poor). but im happy and i have a lot to be grateful for. happy upcoming birthday ida and khairul. join the 23'ers bandwagon! woot.

dear jon

the sexiest man on TV.
i'd definitely hit it.

spent a very slow evening yesterday trying to discover myself.
so i went and spent an hour doing random quizes at blogthings.com
and i found out that im :

1. 68% sociopath
2. 47% evil (suprising)
3. 72% bipolar (with tendency to get violent)
4. 12% paranoid schizophrenic (whew)
   
5. 64% open minded
6. 54% of going to hell (not trying hard enough?)
   
7. 65% normal (solid evidence these tests cant be trusted)
8. 60% boyish and 40% girlish (whatever that means)
9. my aura is orange
10. 44% abnormal
11. somewhat honest (somewhat dishonest too then?)
12. 98% high self esteem
13. moderately geeky
14. 0% shy (really?)
    
15. a sunset
16. my famous last word would be "so youre a cannibal"
17. 44% selfish (my mom would have something to say to this)

everything i need to know about me, inna nutshell.
lord, i need a hobby.
yawn. scratch crotch. yawn.

shaun of the dead

i just need something to wash off the bad taste nacho libre left in my mouth.
this, in short, is the ultimate coolest, most amazing movie ive seen lately.
effin brilliant.
this is just..wow
love it. love it. love it.

postscript: thank you marble for recommending this fanastic movie to me. sorry it took me two years to get around watching it. i love u.

nacho libre..sans cheese

two words: dont bother.
this movie belongs in my all time 'gimme my money back' list. alongside the emily rose movie.
i was so bored (and it takes a lot to get me bored watching movies) that at times i was admiring the very pretty bracelet a girl in front of me was wearing rather than watch the movie.
and i love (loved) jack black. school of rock was brilliant and orange county was the bomb.
but when i realised that most of the time i was scanning the audience rather than watch the movie, then this movie must surely sucks lemon.
it was boring. the fart jokes were lame and the only time i was really excited was then peter stormare appeared (he played the delightfully fiendish john abruzzi in prison break)
big fat dissapointment. other than keeping count the number of times black slipped off his bad faux spanish accent, it was a waste of time.
yawn.

it has began

prison break season 2 started yesterday

oh yeah.
now i have a reason to come to work again.
wentworth.miller.so.cute.drool.so.hot.floor.

in memory

just remembered that i used to have a goldfish in high school.
it was a fish won from a kingyo-sukui game (thats goldfish scooping game to you aliens. its a famous game at fairs and stuff)
i was in form 5 and it was during our schools annual foreign language celebration day.
(i manned the french language DJ booth. great fun)

it was a small fella, cute as hell. (actually it looked pretty much like all the other goldfish but being owned by me made the goldfish extra cute by one point)
i named it Chiisana Taiko that means 'small drum'
how cute is that.
i kept it in a altered 1.5L empty coke bottle (it was plenty big for him, trust me)
and fed it urm, stuff.
i made a funky name card to put next to the bottle and brought home water plants from the school ponds.
we talked and laughed and played together.
great times.

then one day (2 weeks later)
chiisana went belly up.
i was shocked and sad and seriously considering of following my goldfish to the other side.
but i overcame my grief and organized a funeral cause i know he would want me to be strong and because i couldnt have a dead fish floating in a bottle on top of my locker now, can i?
the funeral was a solemn yet beautiful affair. just me and fifie, my sister(chiisana's half sister, different mother. and father. and species) was there.
we picked a prime spot for his final resting place. (near the clothes lines, its grassy and breezy and theres some pretty flowers nearby)
we said some prayers, shed some brave tears as i slowly lowered him to the earth, in a beautiful wooden coffin(i took a match box and beautified it).
fifie and i held hands, drawing strength from each other.
and after the funeral we went to the dining hall to have dinner.
we had fried fish.

here's to Chiisana Taiko.
a friend, a brother, a fish.
you would never be forgotten.

IN LOVING MEMORY;
CHIISANA TAIKO SHUHAIME
(2000-2000)

how to kill a baby houseplant

my houseplant, Dhaun is dying.
we are having yellowing, wilted leaves, spots, scorched stalks, the works.
leaves count are down 13% since last week.
i was literally going insane trying to figure out what am i doing wrong.
and Dhaun is supposed to be the no-fuss-leave-it-alone-it'll-just-grow kinda plant.
how hard is it to keep a house plant from dying?
what kind of incompetent idiot would kill a house plant?
i was hoping to prove (to myself) that should i succeed in rearing Dhaun (bountiful green glossy leaves, creeping thick vines) i would upgrade to keeping a pet, maybe a fish.
at this rate the fish would die before you could say 'stanley'.

am thinking it might be the tap water im giving it, so i switched to watering Dhaun with mineral water.
(RM5.30 evian water in fact. shut up)
cant say its working, Dhaun's still shedding leaves.
thinking that maybe it was not getting enough sunlight, eventhough the labels says Dhaun only needs half sunlight.
so now, every morning i would leave Dhaun at the window sill, hoping it would catch some second hand sunshine (what sunshine is after the people in better room locations are done with it)
but Dhaun still persists in dying.

but last night, after snipping away another load of wilted, mutated leaves from Dhaun's anorexic, scrawny body, i wondered if Dhaun is perhaps suicidal.
i wouldnt blame it, i know i wouldnt want to be a houseplant under my care. but as deranged as i am to buy imported water and talk to a potted plant, i am not deranged enough to think a plant would have any common concious sense. yet.
im killing my houseplant and i dont know how.
then, accidently my sleeve snagged the end of the table and almost tipped over Dhaun's funky orange pot.
it didnt fell but the sloshing sound it made me wonder.
in the orange clay pot, under the plastic underwear pot, apparently theres urm, some excess water. by 'some' i mean there's enough water to flood Ghobi desert.
ive been tad overzealous in watering my plant that the roots are dying from water rot.
ahem. dying slowly being pickled in the swampy soil. ugh.
death by evian.
wow.

im still getting a fish soon though. because theres no way i'd overwater a fish.
unless i find some other moronic way to eff that up.
cause of death: excessive caring. overly loved to death.
snort. thats just great.

team building

went to some country resort last week for team building training.
the place is pretty awesome considering we didnt cross state border.
didnt think it was that helpful (the training, not the state border).
but i still had fun.
i won 'Miss Gung-Ho' at the end, but i think they were just giving it to me so i dont feel left out.
there were only three girls and we all won something.
i dont think the facilitator liked me that much. but its okay, the feelings mutual.
the pictures suck but only because we took it with wahidahs nifty camera phone.
my phone cant take pictures, it can toast bread though. can your nokia do that?

with wahidah, she's in operation.

we 'graduated'. snort.

(l-r) miss helpful, miss take, miss congeniality

the resort. pretty trees. pretty cool place

whats your favorite movie?

i'll start

1. LOTR
   
2. Pulp Fiction
3. Shaun of the Dead
   
4. G I Jane
5. Trainspotting
6. Braveheart
7. The Prophecy
   
8. The Godfathers
9. Fightclub
10. We Were Soldiers
    
11. Snatch
    
12. Catch Me If You Can
13. Taming of The Shrew
14. Crimson Tide
15. Beauty and The Beast (disney)
16. When Harry Met Sally
    
17. The Last Samurai
18. Reservoir Dogs
19. Wizard of Oz
20. Narnia
21. X-Men
    
22. True Romance
23. American History X
    
24. The Italian Job (Micheal Caine, 1969)
    
25. The Italian Job (Mark Wahlberg, 2003)
    
26. Constantine
27. Charlie and The Chocolate Factory (Johnny Depp)
    
28. Se7en
29. Red Dragon
30. Twelve Monkeys
31. School of Rock
    

revised: 23rd August to add in the fantabulous Shaun of the Dead

small bags vs big bags

im off for a team training in the deep jungle of ..hulu selangor.
feels weird to wear jeans and trainers to work.
not to mention lugging a huge backpack.
we are shooting off to the camping ground from the office so everyones just chillin and laughing right now. wearing jeans.

my male colleagues are making me self concious.
while i have my trusty elephant sized backpack, the guys are bringing nothing bigger than a lunch box.
i feel so overpacked.
nevertheless, there are 3 more girls along for this trip and i bet my body butter their bags are as huge as mine.

still i wonder, how is it possible for guys to survive on the little amount of clothing items on trips.
i see this happen all the time. and i would feel that ive ridiculously overpack every single time.
must be some male ritual, where they pass on the secret on how to survive a 3D/2N camping excursion with nothing more than a toothbrush, a tshirt, one jeans, one boxers and a pen knife.

but as for me, i rather be overpacked than be caught alive wearing recycled tshirt.
o vanity, thy name is me.

off to have some fun, hopefully.

complete and utter anihilation

ive been a big emotional mess these last couple of weeks.
a pain in the ass for the people around and near me.
half of the time im indifferent to the point of rudeness and the other half im having a fit and foaming at the mouth making innocent people around me miserable. there's also a considerable amount of time i was such a sappy, slobbering, crying fool for no actual reason.
so i figure im either A) pregnant or B) going insane.
since there have no reports immaculate conceptions since 1 B.C, im gonna swing with A.
knowing this, naturally, i have some questions;

1. would a crazy person realize they're going crazy?

2. how often is the process of going crazy a gradual, stage by stage course as opposed to the sudden 'bam! now ure crazy' option?

3. if i write a will now, would it be considered licit since im writing one now cause i know if i write it later it would be nullified on the grounds of unsound mind.

4. on the same basis of number 3, if i leave a standing order of how im to be cared or treated once im wholly crazy, would it be legally acceptable? for instance, (once im totally a nutcase) if i demand that i be given a peanut butter bath everyday, it is to be complied as opposed to ignoring my demand to walk naked down bintang walk with a procession of giraffes in front of me.

5. is euthanasia legal now?

6. how to know im not crazy now?

since insanity doesnt really run in my family, there is still hope im just bringing neuroticsm to a whole other level. but i doubt it. how else would you explain the mood swings. and the voices in my head asking me to whack my brother with a spatula.
does anyone know how to donate brains?


AAAaaaAaaaRRGGGggghhhHHHhhhhgurgleHHhhh. blimp.

on random stuff

suffering from a mondo writer's block.
funny considering im not even a writer.

i am cured from the bothersome post WC trauma.
yay!
just that now im hooked on coffee every morning.
hello tummy ulcers.

rearranged my bedroom furnitures.
its suprisingly more spacious now.
it is still barbie's closet size, but more spacious.
another yay!

been eating non stop lately.
went out with shiren last saturday and spend most of the day eating or thinking of places to eat.

on sunday realized that i put books in higher priority than any other material posessions.

while doing monthly budget (Shoppaholic Recovery Steps #4) found out i've been eating auntie anne's soft pretzel at least once every week since early june.
its would always be cinnamon sugar pretzel with strawberry dutch ice (RM9.00)
shocking since i dont even consider pretzels to be my favorite food.
(top of that list includes takoyaki balls, apple crumbles, fajitas and marmite chicken)

ran out of movies to download.

been stalked over the phone by a freak named alpha (that cant be his real name)
weirdo.

looking forward to the weekends.
is it only tuesday?
groan.

on life after the world cup

i keep waking up at 3am.
but now there's no more matches to watch so its a big, big bother.
most of the time i would just head to the kitchen and have a drink and warf down a snack, or two and go back to bed.
at this rate my sleep quotient would forever be messed up and yeah, i found another way to gain weight.
whoopteedoo.
in the morning i'd be groggy and grouchy and would guzzle coffee like a maniac until im slightly human around 10.
so im gaining weight, running out of cola and am probably with a hole in my stomach.

i hate the world cup.

on too much time on my hands.

one fine morning at a secret headquarters.
boss : whose fault is this?
everybody : not us. not us.
boss : surely it's somebody's fault.
lowly lackey : it's not ours. it is all the fault of that new girl. yes, she did it.
everyone : yes. yes. the new girl. she did it.
boss : the new girl. is it her fault?
lowly lackey : yes, O mighty one. she, who is not one of us is at fault. she did it. she did it.
boss : the new girl. is she the one who caused this catastrophe?
lowly lackey : oh yes. she, who downloads television shows incessantly. she is the one. she is at fault.
boss : summon the girl. let her face her crimes.
me : yo.
boss : insolence. do you know what you have done? have you any notion what you did?
me : no. what?
boss : insolence. you have managed to topple the whole network of this organization. you! you are responsible to the utter desistance of the entire network. you! what do you have to say to that?
me : no kiddin'.
boss : insolence. this is no laughing matter. this is a crime punisable by jam.
everyone : jam! jam! jam! jam! jam!
me : dudes.
boss : utter ruins awaits us, have you no sense of guilt? for it was you who made this wreckage that have caused others misery and strife. for its you that have made the whole network collapse and tumble with your downloads. for its you that caused the internal network's destruction and devastation.
everyone : you! you! you! jam! jam! jam!
me : yo chill y'all. i know this, no way i did all that with my minuscule 100 kbps downloadin'. which i do after hours. and what network shutdown? the internet is working fine y'all. the outlook is working fine ainnit?. which means the problem is with the hardware or a virus in the server. the only thing i could have done with my downloading is slow down the internet. that aint happenin'. and even is the net is slow, which it is not, you should really blame those homies downloading porn like shitzzle upstair. you crazy crackhead mofos. you aint trippin' me with all this accusations. this dame is diamond yo, i shine smart, i break none. word.

**boss - angry mufasa voice
lowly lackey - grima wormtongue
me - dave chappelle

on italy being world champion

nuff said.

on karma

i made a list, a la earl hickey, on bad things i have done unto people couple of months back.
i didn't get far, stopped around number 30 because i got scared
scared at how evil i actually am and how the hell am i gonna make up for the 29 things i've done.

do i believe in karma?
sure i do. good things happen to good people (and shiren happens to bad people. har har har. sorry. private joke)
when bad things happend to me, i know i deserved it somehow and would just braved it through.
but funnily enough, everytime something good happens, i dont really feel its happening cause i deserve it. more like its happening because i got lucky.

which would either tell you, a) good things dont often happen to me or b) im a ungrateful selfish bitch.

back to my list, yeah, it scared me shitless. i know i've done some things im not proud of but being confronted in writings (and numbered!) made it so much more, i dont know, eerie.

question: how bad it really is?
im not gonna post the list here (i like to live longer than 22). i'd maybe share a couple of the (lesser evil) misdeeds. like number 12, sheared off cousin's doll hair in 1990.

question: make things right?
i dunno. some of the things i did were pretty severe (am too gutless to own up) and some were done unto general population i.e total strangers (how the heck am i gonna find the dude i shortchanged 10 bucks in 2001?) im a pathetic coward, what can i say?

question: so now what?
be a better human.
start treating people better.
count my blessings now.
stop watching 'my name is earl'.
think more about things i'm doing and the consequences.
burn the damn list.
grow a bloody spine and start owning up.

karma, it makes you loopy.

on happier notes, meeting old friends this weekend, redoing the garden (shrub shopping! yay), a craft fair and the WORLD CUP to look forward to. sweet!
FORZA ITALIA!
(discreet cheer: allez france!)
wink wink.
have a good one people.

on plausible grounds to miss sleep

woohoo.
it actually worked.
france got through.
i really do have special powers.
who would have thunk.

the finals. wow.
tough call.
according to my football team philosophy 'if its not sweden, pick one with the most gunners innit'; i am very much cemented into supporting the France team.
but the italiennes are all oh-so-cute!!
*squee*

by the way, how hot is juergen klinsmann?
scorching. this is one sexy germish.
sigh.

on random stuff

picking team to root for
i was/am camp sweden but not being an idiot i know we wont win the WC. and im too big of a game fan to miss non sweden matches. so my principle of choosing teams is quite simple: i will root for whichever side that have more arsenal players.
so for tonight, lets see, portugal have erm, zero gunners in the team whereas france have KING HENRY. so, no brainer. just to back it up more, theres also viera and wiltord (ex gunners) and pires (ex gunners and not in the WC campaign)
..but of course officially im supporting portugal tonight *refer previous post*

pires
why isnt he?

surviving on coffee, junkfood and adrenaline
work, starbucks shift, football match, work, football match.
need to squeeze in some shut eyes soon. is it only wednesday?
yawn.must.get.some.sleep.soon.zzz.floor.

takoyaki
can u believe there's not one place in the greater KL area that sells takoyaki balls.
none.
nearest would be in damansara which might as well be in beijing.
and we call ourself civillized.
sneer.

Dhaun
is the name of my pet house plant purchased last month at IKEA. been thriving under my care (translate: its not dead yet). getting a house plant (and keeping it alive for more than 6 weeks) is on my '22 things to do at 22' list.

Superman Returns
is a good watch, yes? like, its totally worth the admission ticket? like, its totally unlike the sheer unadulterated disappoinment dud XMen 3 was? like, i should go watch it, now, now, now?
is it?

self discipline
no more buying books, tops (officewear or otherwise), casual footwear or bags for the month of july, y'hear?
i can do this.

on my football superpowers

apparently each and every WC team i support would lose.
well, lately it seems like that.
realizing this, i shall use my superpower of cheer and support accordingly now.
i shall obviously support the other team so that my discreetly favorite team would win.
ingenuous.

so, here's for tonight's meet.
PORTUGAL PORTUGAL PORTUGAL!!!
woot.

geddit?

on being an evil person

i hate chain e-mails.
i really do.
people send u emails or messages saying blah blah blah, if u send this to 15 different people then u'll get a gold hamburger but if you dont, well, your frog is a murdering shithead.
the latest one i got was about selawats and istighfars and here's the punchline, if i dont forward it my friends it means i've succumbed to the devil and doomed to hell hereafter.
seriously.
but what pisses me more is the number of friends who would actually forward the dang emails as per instruction.
i mean, dude, you will not get luckier in love nor would you receive a mangmillion dollars nor would the sky wont fall on you nor would your friendster's account would close nor would would you save a baby's life.
it just doesnt make sense.
the other time i would just be amazed by the sheer LOSER attributes some people have to actually come up with these things.
man, some people sure have nothing to do.

i know for a fact that some chains have been circulating for more than 2 years now. thats pretty amazing considering. ive received the same chain emails from total opposite of my network ends.
i guess gullible fools are born everyday.
and i noticed emails propagating bad omens like "should you fail to forward this to 67 million people you shall have green hair growing out of your ears and then you shall die" would have better chances of being circulated than chains offering good lucks, love or joy.
never underestimate the power of paranoia, i always say.
..
i never said that before actually but you get the idea.
sigh.
chain emails, they make the world come together.

but what do i care, im already destined for hell anyways.

on learning to be happy

i am the most happy when im with my friends. and when im eating (explains a lot)
im happy when i play scrabble.
im happy when my whole family is safe and healthy.
im not very happy early in the morning before i get caffein or sugar administered through IV in my blood.
im happy when i find people i like and i can talk to.
im happy when im making coffee behind the counter and talking to nice people and knowing their story.
im happy with a good book that i wish wont end.
im not very happy with people cutting queues.
im happy with imagining ridiculous things that i wish would happen.
im happy knowing i really want other people to be happy.
im happy when i dont regret things i buy.
sometimes im happy im impulsive.
im happy thinking about stuff.
im happy doing henna hand design for cousins and brides.
..
i wish i could be happy about my family more.
i wish i could be happy about things i have.
i wish i could be happy about people's good fortunes.
i wish i could be happy seeing how well friends have done.
i wish i could be happy about myself more.
i wish i could be happy about things i've done.
i wish i could be happy about stuff i've said.
i wish i could be happy with decisions i've made.
i wish i could be happy for happy sake.

regrets are dumb. i have none.

end of the road.

..
bummer

i'm sure pigs resent the comparison.

i wrote and sent this to my gmail buddies (we usually mail each other life updates) on april 13th.

this is freaking me out.
the new guy at work, he's nice and everything.
BUT he makes this tiny belching sound all the time.
bfore and after meals.
its like a polite burp u try to hide, and he makes it all the time.
but no one should be burping this much.
no one normal, anyways.
i dont think he even realises hes making them noises.
its really starting to weirding me out.

and this on may 11th.

last april 13th i sent everyone a mail about my belching collegue.
i dont blame u if u havent read it. nonsensical ramblings of a disturbed mind.
...
anyways, this belching freak at my office, right.
well, he's still belching/burping/expelling wind noisily. even as we speak now.
he does it regularly.
all the time, sitting down, surfing net, typing stuff, walking, talking to someone..all the time.
ITS DRIVING ME INSANE!!! literally,. so not kidding here.
i hate it, i hate him, he's a fricking moron. a weird, constantly burping, lumbering idiot - moron.
i already know im gonna kill him,
the real question is how?????
suggestions?
think; pain, a lot of pain.

and another big one on june 20th.

remember snot-boy?
well, he's been upgrading.
and spreading the love too.
been told that the guys from the R&D dept as well as those from Operations cant stand him.
why, because he farts.
yes. he can actually be more disgusting than he already is.
they said that he would just um, break wind in the middle of a conversation with anyone and doesn't feel the need to excuse himself.

and flatulent boy is also known to be a comestible kleptomaniac.
he eats people's biscuits, drinks their tea, uses their mugs and smokes their ciggies sans permission.
very 7th grade but apparently here its a hanging offense.
and they don't need much to hate him on top of his questionable hygiene. and bad grooming habits (same shirt two days in a row and razor blade to face deficiency)
apparently now, the whole office hates him.

most of the time people in the office wont really have anything to do.
but being somewhat IT crazed, any free time would be used to surf the net or chat or download stuff or whatever.
meaning, even if we have no work, we would pretty much still be at our desk doing whatever we can with fast, unfirewalled internet connection.
and we would appreciate people doing the same or leaving us alone while we do it.
office bonding would be during lunch time, numerous ciggy breaks and prayer time.
unwritten/unspoken rule that is mutually respected.
snot boy (version 2.1) doesn't get it.
he would go pest other people and annoy the hell out of them.
he has pretty much left me alone after i gave him my special "to-me-you-are-lower-than-cockroach" treatment a long time ago (complete with monosyllable responses, supreme haughty looks, IDontWantToBeSeenInPublicWithYou vibes and ufuck-off attitude. batteries not included)
but the moron is really pushing it with the rest of the office. they barely tolerates him.
only yesterday i heard Halim shouted "lantak la lagu ape, kau ni semua nak tanye, leceh betul..,"
even the cleaning lady hates him. *cleaning lady loves everyone*
because she caught him smoking in the toilet and one time he forgot to flush. knowing that im not alone in hating this guy has been liberating.
am totally relieved to know that i am perfectly justified in absolutely loathing him. that i am, indeed, not a bitch. im also a little happy too to know that other people cant stand him. and if that makes me a bad person, well, tough.
REALLY CANNOT STAND HIM~!!

and earlier today.

just found out that the guy who sits on my left hits on divorcees.
its revolting.
as i am typing, he's chatting someone up on the phone.
beyond disgusting.
and the bullshits he's telling her, good god!
he even asked if he can meet the kids!!
*vomit blood*
pure, undiluted bullshit for 20minutes and counting.
i snorted coffee out my nostrils when i heard he said "i cant believe you have no boyfriends yet, someone as attractive as you, guys you're hanging out with must be blind.."
...
aaaAAAAaaaAAAAaaagggHHhhhHH..

and how stupid can u be to fall for that line?
now spurting more crap from his mouth telling her they should meet and spend a day at Sunway Lagoon so the kids can have fun.
my faith in the male gender of the human species has just sank to all time low.
is there anything that you guys wouldn't do?

between this guy and snot boy, would you blame me if i choose to become a lesbian?
no, seriously, would you?

i do know there are some good, decent guys out there.
im not generalizing. i just need to meet new people.
so you can stop writing your hate mails now.

is it just me or im cursed to spend my sad, sad life around sad, sad guys?
kill me now.
make it fast.

wentworth miller, my mom and her new hobby

dear mak,
i have NO plans of getting married anytime soon.
try again in 5 years or so. ok?
i love you.

XOXOXO,
your *highly exasperated and determined bachelor* daughter.

p/s: theres no more milk in the fridge.
p/s II: i ate the last pear. sorry.

wentworth miller and the swedish nationals

2-2.
not bad.
good game.
so now we're to meet germany.
the only team yet who havent lost a game.
im optimistic.
..
i need some air.